Moving On, Alone.

In the last two days, Lance has announced to the world (or at least his staff and Executive Committee) that his adventure has led him to split his CEO/President job in two. He is giving away the Presidency and the day-to-day management duties of the Strathmore operation to his Executive VP for Administration.

He is keeping, but expanding, the role of CEO to broaden the footprint of Strathmore throughout the region and State, to raise big dollars for long term investments, and to build a "2020 Vision" for the coming decade. He'll spend most of his time out of the office as a "rainmaker" seeking bigger resources, new talents and mutual collaborations with outside entities,

He'll focus on finding ways to take Strathmore's considerable assets into places quite remote from the traditional 11 acre home base. He will get his head out of the weeds of everyday crisis management so he can raise his eyes to the horizon, to new worlds of relationships and new missions. He will think everyday on something other than other people's problems.

(Funny. Everyone readily agreed it was time for this change. No one blinked. No one expressed any concerns. Hmmmmm...)

Maybe Lance was the last, not the first, to discover this logical next step. Maybe it has been obvious to others for sometime now and he just had to get away to see what others already knew. Maybe all this inner turmoil was for naught. No big thing. No drama. Ho hum.

Bummer. Even now, the trumpets of heaven are silent. The fireworks fizzled. Tomorrow is Thursday...and life plods on.

Lance misses the drama of daily discovery he had all summer long. He's gotta get back to that sense of adventure soon or his voice might fall silent. He described that voice today as the sound of truth without manipulation. Not trying to impress, convert, motivate or hide anything, the voice of Lance just speaks raw truth as he perceives it and always before he has formulated any logical argument to substantiate it. It is instinctual, not premeditated.

Occassionally, over the past few days, it has popped out, quite unedited and at inopportune times. Today, n the midst of a meeting with some consultants, Lance found himself overtly (almost rudely) driving the conversation to the already obvious conclusion just because he couldn't stand the ponderous pace of the consultant's meanderings. His stunning sense of self importance aside, the man took twenty minutes to say what he could have said in one sentence. The new Lance doesn't take kindly to such conceits.

And while we're on the topic, there are a few other things Lance has been noticing about his new office demeanor.

This new Lance uses silence like a power tool to drill down on what is important beneath people's initial screen of safe talk. He is almost painfully aware of their tone, tempo, inflection and vocal tension - hyper-aware, in fact. He is getting more adept at keeping his mouth shut and watching others leap before they think.

All of his "antenna" seem to be operating at much higher levels. Life all around him seems to be moving in slow motion compared to his mind's narrative. He has seen this movie already and knows the ending.

He is no longer romanticizing work relationships, but rather silently evaluating them for their ability to achieve real outcomes, not just good intentions. And at least for now, he assumes every relationship must be re-established finding that some may take considerable time to get back to "comfortable", if ever.

It is as if some internal clock is ticking faster and he is more aware of time running out than ever before.

There is a sense of "no longer suffering fools lightly" and far less interest in taking the long way around, just for the sake of some kumbaya ritual of everyone coming to the right answer after seemingly hours of discussion. The language of the staff is different now and the center of gravity is shifting daily. What is exciting and new in their world isn't for Lance. What is important and vital for Lance isn't even on their radar.

Yeah. This is a good time to strike out on his own into a new and expanded world of possibilities. The site isn't big enough anymore. That is fast becoming apparent to him. And he isn't interested in hunting in a pack like he used to. You travel faster alone, Lance thought. Distance isn't as important anymore. Time is.

Back On His Feet Again

Last we talked, Lance felt lost. Now back in the world from which he escaped for a few months, he was at first caught off guard by his own disorientation upon his return to work. Fast forward to now, it is almost one month since he has been back, and he has regained his mental balance. His routine is re-established, his relationships are still strong and his sense of efficacy and relevance is once again solid.

Not the same, but solid.

In fact, very little about Lance's feelings are the same as when he left. His orientation to the world has shifted and his sense of what is important is dramatically different. Much of the drama of the past now looks just plain silly. Old "To Do" lists are filled with a million tiny fine tunings that didn't move the march of civilization one step closer to that golden city on the hill, yet Lance once invested them with great importance and passion. Going away and coming back brings with it a whole new view of his job and his value to his work. That was earth shaking at first, because of the perceived loss of function. Now, it is mind blowing in it's awesome potential.

Wrestling with the intramural battles between personalities, kingdoms and protocols once seemed so majestic, but now his mind goes straight to the games being played and says, "No thanks. I'll be over here working on outcomes that matter, that move mountains, not molehills."

It is what Lance has been preparing to do for 30 years...to rise above the operational and break into whole new worlds of untapped opportunity. There is nothing he won't seek out, stretch towards or invite into discussion if it can expand the footprint of Strathmore into a new realm. Unbounded by the daily demands of management (through the miracle of delegation) he has only to think it, to pursue it. And while it may take some getting used to after decades of minding the daily store, this is the only way forward. There is no going back. Of that, he is quite sure.

Lance has come home, but it is a different home now. He listens to that inner voice first, not as an afterthought. He listens more carefully, longer and allow silence to do its work. He is fully aware of how he is being perceived and how little it takes to imply judgement..a raised eyebrow, a pause, a half smile all seem to a subtle signal others who wonder what he is thinking. It isn't intentional, but many around him seem to be working overtime to read his thoughts. And the quieter he is, the more curious they are. Meanwhile, Lance is finding himself projecting the script of conversations he is in as if he's already had them and they aren't compelling enough to hold his attention as they once used to.

His mind is constantly wondering to the big questions.

What do the arts do for the un-artistically appreciative citizen?

What is the nature of creativity and why is it so rarely sought, taught or celebrated in daily life?

How can Strathmore get out into the region and impact people's lives outside of the school or performance venue?

What is he ultimate value of this institution to the future of our County beyond shows and classes?

With his new office-at-home setup and his children fully engaged in their own lives again, this is a new age for Lance with fewer restrictions, more assets and a course he can chart for as far as his mind can see.

This is a journey again, this time without an end date.

He Never Saw It Coming..

Lance is back at work. He's been there a week. But he isn't there. He is quiet now.

He went away feeling restless, found peace in his future, returned feeling reinvigorated, but discovered you can never go backwards in life. He must now rebuild his relevance, not by reaching back, but by moving ahead and leaving old responsibilities behind.

That will be a journey worth reporting.

Lance: Gleanings for the Future

It's Sunday afternoon and Lance is savoring the final hours of his three month journey of discovery before returning to work tomorrow. Knowing that tomorrow morning he'll have to answer the dreaded question, "So how, was your three month vacation (heh, heh)" about a hundred times he's been trying to boil it all down to a bumper sticker...something simple, clear, informative and yet understated.

Abject enthusiasm will just reinforce the inevitable suspicion that he was engaged in an unnatural act of escapist loafing rather than a deeply meaningful inward journey of discovery and serendipity. Any long winded effusive description of the adventure will invite that glazed-eye stare indicating they are sorry they asked and gosh, they have to be somewhere else, 5 minutes ago.

What the hell, Lance concluded, they'll think what they want to think and unless they are willing to subject themselves to this Promethean blog, there's simply no explaining the machinations of his mind for the last 90 days, at least not in any depth. Those looking for a travelogue will be sorely disappointed with only Graceland and Asheville to chew on. Those looking for revelations and stunning new truths will go away empty handed save the occasional insight. Those looking for romance, drama, or danger... well, they're just plain out of luck.

But those looking for rebirth of spirit and mission, new perspectives on time and success, new resolutions to listen and lead more patiently, and the new quiet confidence of knowing the simple value of friends, family, and community...those people will be gratified. "It was a bit like cleaning out the closet of my life," Lance recently told a friend. "Many of my outfits are clearly out of style, meant for another age, or the wrong fit for my body of today. My thinking, visioning, teaching, fathering, husbanding, leading and loving is different at this age, but I had to get away to some quiet, distant places to be able to see that."

Sorting through those racks of memories, Lance found many of his old behaviors and assumptions had become bad habits. His old management practices seemed too directive by denying employees the chance to become empowered by solving their own problems. His fatherly scoldings at home no longer seemed appropriate or helpful now that his children were fast becoming adults and seeking their own path (wrong as it may be!)

Lance finally learned he must allow his wife to be who she authentically is, not someone compelled to complement his shortcomings. He acknowledged the tremendous personality differences in people as breathtakingly described in "Please Understand Me." Lance needs to start from the reality of where people are, not from where he wants them to be. And that starts with deep listening.

A few other gleanings: Lance reaffirmed his value both to himself and others, beyond his work world. After 28 years he wasn't at all sure if there was a distinct person beneath his professional life and credentials. On this journey he found his center again and realigned his moral compass. On this journey he confronted his own mortality and developed a realistic timeline of his life. He no longer fears being surprised by unforeseen circumstances or caught off guard by change.

He knows any trip can become an invaluable journey just by paying great attention to the moments, not the miles. He sees clearly what must be given time and attention in each day and which worries and tasks matter the least. He is very grateful to have arrived at his "Faculty Phase of Life" and relieved to be beyond the "Audition Phase" in any of his roles. Lance feels he is now in control of his daily destiny and lifetime legacy.

He realizes he is fated (NP) to always be in search of self and life's meaning, and yet never to find either, at least in any final sense. He also knows he will travel that lonely road with less than 25% of the population and since most people don't suffer that curse, if he sometimes feels alone or misunderstood in his Quixotic quest, at least there is a good reason. And for the first time in his life, he is OK with that. It is his character in the play of life. On the other hand, unlike many others, he is naturally equipped to look around corners, over the horizon and into the future better than most and then to do something tangible about it through sheer will power and the leadership ability to engage others. He is ill equipped to sit on any sideline.

Happily, Lance has found a new voice within and hopes it will stick around. He wants to become a fearless asker, a shameless negotiator for Strathmore's future, and a humble servant of the "common good" in his community. He has realigned his internal compass with a True North found within his heart. He has a new sense of what matters and what doesn't. He senses a clearer ability to assess the character of his colleagues and business partners and has less tolerance for passion without action and action without passion. Recently, he has learned to enjoy watching others succeed, not just himself. For the first time in his life, he can see a future of fewer people in his life, not more. Of deeper friendships and fewer acquaintances. Of tasting life less and savoring it more. Of looking for people whose silence attracts attention and learning from them.

Looking back, Lance can't connect each of these outcomes to a specific moment in his journey. Somehow, each gleaning sifted itself out of the whole adventure and onto the keyboard. But as he walks into his office tomorrow morning, he knows what his highest and best use can be to the organization, to his family and to his future. And that was the whole point.

Stay tuned, gentle readers. Lance lives.