Abject enthusiasm will just reinforce the inevitable suspicion that he was engaged in an unnatural act of escapist loafing rather than a deeply meaningful inward journey of discovery and serendipity. Any long winded effusive description of the adventure will invite that glazed-eye stare indicating they are sorry they asked and gosh, they have to be somewhere else, 5 minutes ago.
What the hell, Lance concluded, they'll think what they want to think and unless they are willing to subject themselves to this Promethean blog, there's simply no explaining the machinations of his mind for the last 90 days, at least not in any depth. Those looking for a travelogue will be sorely disappointed with only Graceland and Asheville to chew on. Those looking for revelations and stunning new truths will go away empty handed save the occasional insight. Those looking for romance, drama, or danger... well, they're just plain out of luck.
But those looking for rebirth of spirit and mission, new perspectives on time and success, new resolutions to listen and lead more patiently, and the new quiet confidence of knowing the simple value of friends, family, and community...those people will be gratified. "It was a bit like cleaning out the closet of my life," Lance recently told a friend. "Many of my outfits are clearly out of style, meant for another age, or the wrong fit for my body of today. My thinking, visioning, teaching, fathering, husbanding, leading and loving is different at this age, but I had to get away to some quiet, distant places to be able to see that."
Sorting through those racks of memories, Lance found many of his old behaviors and assumptions had become bad habits. His old management practices seemed too directive by denying employees the chance to become empowered by solving their own problems. His fatherly scoldings at home no longer seemed appropriate or helpful now that his children were fast becoming adults and seeking their own path (wrong as it may be!)
Lance finally learned he must allow his wife to be who she authentically is, not someone compelled to complement his shortcomings. He acknowledged the tremendous personality differences in people as breathtakingly described in "Please Understand Me." Lance needs to start from the reality of where people are, not from where he wants them to be. And that starts with deep listening.
A few other gleanings: Lance reaffirmed his value both to himself and others, beyond his work world. After 28 years he wasn't at all sure if there was a distinct person beneath his professional life and credentials. On this journey he found his center again and realigned his moral compass. On this journey he confronted his own mortality and developed a realistic timeline of his life. He no longer fears being surprised by unforeseen circumstances or caught off guard by change.
He knows any trip can become an invaluable journey just by paying great attention to the moments, not the miles. He sees clearly what must be given time and attention in each day and which worries and tasks matter the least. He is very grateful to have arrived at his "Faculty Phase of Life" and relieved to be beyond the "Audition Phase" in any of his roles. Lance feels he is now in control of his daily destiny and lifetime legacy.
He realizes he is fated (NP) to always be in search of self and life's meaning, and yet never to find either, at least in any final sense. He also knows he will travel that lonely road with less than 25% of the population and since most people don't suffer that curse, if he sometimes feels alone or misunderstood in his Quixotic quest, at least there is a good reason. And for the first time in his life, he is OK with that. It is his character in the play of life. On the other hand, unlike many others, he is naturally equipped to look around corners, over the horizon and into the future better than most and then to do something tangible about it through sheer will power and the leadership ability to engage others. He is ill equipped to sit on any sideline.
Happily, Lance has found a new voice within and hopes it will stick around. He wants to become a fearless asker, a shameless negotiator for Strathmore's future, and a humble servant of the "common good" in his community. He has realigned his internal compass with a True North found within his heart. He has a new sense of what matters and what doesn't. He senses a clearer ability to assess the character of his colleagues and business partners and has less tolerance for passion without action and action without passion. Recently, he has learned to enjoy watching others succeed, not just himself. For the first time in his life, he can see a future of fewer people in his life, not more. Of deeper friendships and fewer acquaintances. Of tasting life less and savoring it more. Of looking for people whose silence attracts attention and learning from them.
Looking back, Lance can't connect each of these outcomes to a specific moment in his journey. Somehow, each gleaning sifted itself out of the whole adventure and onto the keyboard. But as he walks into his office tomorrow morning, he knows what his highest and best use can be to the organization, to his family and to his future. And that was the whole point.
Stay tuned, gentle readers. Lance lives.
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