The Aftermath: Lance, One Year Later

It was Sunday, April 11, 2010, exactly one year ago today. Sitting on a sunny deck (it must have been warmer...the patio furniture still isn't out yet this year) with a brand new MacBook Pro in hand, Lance Stiehl was born. A happy birthday..or re-birthday as the case may be, is in order. for it only took Lance 60 years to find the time, the courage, the questions and the plan to launch his three month adventure into places never visited in his mind or heart. His blog introduction came true. Every word. Who knew.

Now, a year later Lance is 61, and it isn't the places he traveled, the sights he saw, or even the many people he met that still resonate...it's the unfettered, in the moment, serendipitous thrill of the many new thoughts discovered while out there on the road. They still guide him daily and changed his life in ways he never dreamed, but always sought, somewhere deep within.

He discovered a relentless hunger to do what should be done, not just what could be done. He found permission to listen to the voice within, not just the many voices without. Since returning, he redesigned his job, redefined and broadened his circle of relationships, reinvigorated his role as father, and is hearing more of his unique voice every single day.

Oh, and he lost 20 pounds (on the way to forty by this fall...)

Upon his return, it was quite difficult as he fought to rediscover his own self worth after giving away half of his job to free himself to take on a mission he hadn't yet defined...to create a 2020 Vision under which he may never sit. But the real challenge blindsided him as he sought to assume daily leadership equivalent to his title, but in a new job that didn't exist before he left. It took fully three months to sort out what he uniquely could do that others couldn't. But when it came, it came in a series of explosive realizations around a new concept of creativity, the many possible futures of Strathmore, and fuller recognition of his own abilities and wisdom. And it came with the renewed realization that effectual leadership must be earned, every single day. It thrives in the land, not of protecting past gains, but of inviting new risks.

No longer bound by what he had done, or by what others could now do on their own, he opened up a new frontier, the future, and claimed all the wide open space and sky of possibilities for his own. He suddenly saw how rare it is to be empowered to cast your eyes down the road, around the corner and over the horizon, unabashedly and apologetically. (So very ENFP.) And he knew that although this may be his last significant contribution to Strathmore, it would be one that only his own skill set and intentional foresight could launch.

He established a process for a formal investigation into the minds and skills of his colleagues that required meeting with every staff, Board, Partner and many stakeholders in the community. He set about seeking their visions of the future even though most had never been asked, nor been able to articulate them before. He promised a compilation and conversation around The Next Strathmore within the coming year to his Board of Directors. The thesis question: "Now built to the hilt, what exactly can be the future of Strathmore other than refinement of existing programs and limited expansion of resources as we approach the limits of this site."

And so it began in a never ending series of hour long (often longer) one-on-one meetings guided by a ten question menu of future think stuff. Now, he was meeting people he had known for years, but on a new elevated platform of possibility, not pragmatism and past performance. And he discovered a whole new world of ideas, connections, themes and dreams, right there on his doorstep. (Once again, he realized how you don't have to go elsewhere in search of opportunity, just learn to look with new eyes at what is all around you.)

By far, the most fascinating responses came not when talking about an imagined future ("How will you do your job differently in 5 years?") but when asking the far more revealing question "What skill or talent within you has not been fully utilized to YOUR satisfaction?" Herein, lay the true vein of gold in the conversation as people's hidden resources, dreams and hopes came gushing forth, each awaiting only the final birthing question, "And what would you like to do about it?" Real people, real consequences, no limits, no impossible hypotheticals.

"I want to create an annual Gleefest. I did it in New York. I can do it here."

"I want to produce a streaming Strathmore Channel you can tune to everyday online to plan your next visit."

"I want to plant Strathmore education nodes around the entire region on school sites trading our programs for rent and reaching people who will never make it here otherwise."

"I want to connect our 40 graduated Artists In Residence to performance opportunities in other venues creating a network of support and growth that never ends as long as they are working professionals."

This was stuff Lance, nor the staff, ever knew existed in the realm of heart or possibility and it was was flying off the walls of his office...so much that he grabbed an easel and pad, filling page after page with new ideas, projects, resources and systems. It was the proverbial kid-in-a-candy store abundance and for the first time since the Music Center opened six years ago, there was a new light in his eye and bounce in his step every morning when he came to work. Lance, now 61 and older than a year ago, now felt younger than he did a decade ago. The Fountain of Youth isn't in Pennsylvania or Florida, it's in the head of a freed creative spirit suddenly untethered from the daily fear of protecting past gains instead of creating future risk. Maybe that's not every one's formula of freedom, but it's Lance's.

A year ago, he set out on a quest. A year later, he found it in the most surprising place. At home. Lance is back.

Moving On, Alone.

In the last two days, Lance has announced to the world (or at least his staff and Executive Committee) that his adventure has led him to split his CEO/President job in two. He is giving away the Presidency and the day-to-day management duties of the Strathmore operation to his Executive VP for Administration.

He is keeping, but expanding, the role of CEO to broaden the footprint of Strathmore throughout the region and State, to raise big dollars for long term investments, and to build a "2020 Vision" for the coming decade. He'll spend most of his time out of the office as a "rainmaker" seeking bigger resources, new talents and mutual collaborations with outside entities,

He'll focus on finding ways to take Strathmore's considerable assets into places quite remote from the traditional 11 acre home base. He will get his head out of the weeds of everyday crisis management so he can raise his eyes to the horizon, to new worlds of relationships and new missions. He will think everyday on something other than other people's problems.

(Funny. Everyone readily agreed it was time for this change. No one blinked. No one expressed any concerns. Hmmmmm...)

Maybe Lance was the last, not the first, to discover this logical next step. Maybe it has been obvious to others for sometime now and he just had to get away to see what others already knew. Maybe all this inner turmoil was for naught. No big thing. No drama. Ho hum.

Bummer. Even now, the trumpets of heaven are silent. The fireworks fizzled. Tomorrow is Thursday...and life plods on.

Lance misses the drama of daily discovery he had all summer long. He's gotta get back to that sense of adventure soon or his voice might fall silent. He described that voice today as the sound of truth without manipulation. Not trying to impress, convert, motivate or hide anything, the voice of Lance just speaks raw truth as he perceives it and always before he has formulated any logical argument to substantiate it. It is instinctual, not premeditated.

Occassionally, over the past few days, it has popped out, quite unedited and at inopportune times. Today, n the midst of a meeting with some consultants, Lance found himself overtly (almost rudely) driving the conversation to the already obvious conclusion just because he couldn't stand the ponderous pace of the consultant's meanderings. His stunning sense of self importance aside, the man took twenty minutes to say what he could have said in one sentence. The new Lance doesn't take kindly to such conceits.

And while we're on the topic, there are a few other things Lance has been noticing about his new office demeanor.

This new Lance uses silence like a power tool to drill down on what is important beneath people's initial screen of safe talk. He is almost painfully aware of their tone, tempo, inflection and vocal tension - hyper-aware, in fact. He is getting more adept at keeping his mouth shut and watching others leap before they think.

All of his "antenna" seem to be operating at much higher levels. Life all around him seems to be moving in slow motion compared to his mind's narrative. He has seen this movie already and knows the ending.

He is no longer romanticizing work relationships, but rather silently evaluating them for their ability to achieve real outcomes, not just good intentions. And at least for now, he assumes every relationship must be re-established finding that some may take considerable time to get back to "comfortable", if ever.

It is as if some internal clock is ticking faster and he is more aware of time running out than ever before.

There is a sense of "no longer suffering fools lightly" and far less interest in taking the long way around, just for the sake of some kumbaya ritual of everyone coming to the right answer after seemingly hours of discussion. The language of the staff is different now and the center of gravity is shifting daily. What is exciting and new in their world isn't for Lance. What is important and vital for Lance isn't even on their radar.

Yeah. This is a good time to strike out on his own into a new and expanded world of possibilities. The site isn't big enough anymore. That is fast becoming apparent to him. And he isn't interested in hunting in a pack like he used to. You travel faster alone, Lance thought. Distance isn't as important anymore. Time is.

Back On His Feet Again

Last we talked, Lance felt lost. Now back in the world from which he escaped for a few months, he was at first caught off guard by his own disorientation upon his return to work. Fast forward to now, it is almost one month since he has been back, and he has regained his mental balance. His routine is re-established, his relationships are still strong and his sense of efficacy and relevance is once again solid.

Not the same, but solid.

In fact, very little about Lance's feelings are the same as when he left. His orientation to the world has shifted and his sense of what is important is dramatically different. Much of the drama of the past now looks just plain silly. Old "To Do" lists are filled with a million tiny fine tunings that didn't move the march of civilization one step closer to that golden city on the hill, yet Lance once invested them with great importance and passion. Going away and coming back brings with it a whole new view of his job and his value to his work. That was earth shaking at first, because of the perceived loss of function. Now, it is mind blowing in it's awesome potential.

Wrestling with the intramural battles between personalities, kingdoms and protocols once seemed so majestic, but now his mind goes straight to the games being played and says, "No thanks. I'll be over here working on outcomes that matter, that move mountains, not molehills."

It is what Lance has been preparing to do for 30 years...to rise above the operational and break into whole new worlds of untapped opportunity. There is nothing he won't seek out, stretch towards or invite into discussion if it can expand the footprint of Strathmore into a new realm. Unbounded by the daily demands of management (through the miracle of delegation) he has only to think it, to pursue it. And while it may take some getting used to after decades of minding the daily store, this is the only way forward. There is no going back. Of that, he is quite sure.

Lance has come home, but it is a different home now. He listens to that inner voice first, not as an afterthought. He listens more carefully, longer and allow silence to do its work. He is fully aware of how he is being perceived and how little it takes to imply judgement..a raised eyebrow, a pause, a half smile all seem to a subtle signal others who wonder what he is thinking. It isn't intentional, but many around him seem to be working overtime to read his thoughts. And the quieter he is, the more curious they are. Meanwhile, Lance is finding himself projecting the script of conversations he is in as if he's already had them and they aren't compelling enough to hold his attention as they once used to.

His mind is constantly wondering to the big questions.

What do the arts do for the un-artistically appreciative citizen?

What is the nature of creativity and why is it so rarely sought, taught or celebrated in daily life?

How can Strathmore get out into the region and impact people's lives outside of the school or performance venue?

What is he ultimate value of this institution to the future of our County beyond shows and classes?

With his new office-at-home setup and his children fully engaged in their own lives again, this is a new age for Lance with fewer restrictions, more assets and a course he can chart for as far as his mind can see.

This is a journey again, this time without an end date.

He Never Saw It Coming..

Lance is back at work. He's been there a week. But he isn't there. He is quiet now.

He went away feeling restless, found peace in his future, returned feeling reinvigorated, but discovered you can never go backwards in life. He must now rebuild his relevance, not by reaching back, but by moving ahead and leaving old responsibilities behind.

That will be a journey worth reporting.

Lance: Gleanings for the Future

It's Sunday afternoon and Lance is savoring the final hours of his three month journey of discovery before returning to work tomorrow. Knowing that tomorrow morning he'll have to answer the dreaded question, "So how, was your three month vacation (heh, heh)" about a hundred times he's been trying to boil it all down to a bumper sticker...something simple, clear, informative and yet understated.

Abject enthusiasm will just reinforce the inevitable suspicion that he was engaged in an unnatural act of escapist loafing rather than a deeply meaningful inward journey of discovery and serendipity. Any long winded effusive description of the adventure will invite that glazed-eye stare indicating they are sorry they asked and gosh, they have to be somewhere else, 5 minutes ago.

What the hell, Lance concluded, they'll think what they want to think and unless they are willing to subject themselves to this Promethean blog, there's simply no explaining the machinations of his mind for the last 90 days, at least not in any depth. Those looking for a travelogue will be sorely disappointed with only Graceland and Asheville to chew on. Those looking for revelations and stunning new truths will go away empty handed save the occasional insight. Those looking for romance, drama, or danger... well, they're just plain out of luck.

But those looking for rebirth of spirit and mission, new perspectives on time and success, new resolutions to listen and lead more patiently, and the new quiet confidence of knowing the simple value of friends, family, and community...those people will be gratified. "It was a bit like cleaning out the closet of my life," Lance recently told a friend. "Many of my outfits are clearly out of style, meant for another age, or the wrong fit for my body of today. My thinking, visioning, teaching, fathering, husbanding, leading and loving is different at this age, but I had to get away to some quiet, distant places to be able to see that."

Sorting through those racks of memories, Lance found many of his old behaviors and assumptions had become bad habits. His old management practices seemed too directive by denying employees the chance to become empowered by solving their own problems. His fatherly scoldings at home no longer seemed appropriate or helpful now that his children were fast becoming adults and seeking their own path (wrong as it may be!)

Lance finally learned he must allow his wife to be who she authentically is, not someone compelled to complement his shortcomings. He acknowledged the tremendous personality differences in people as breathtakingly described in "Please Understand Me." Lance needs to start from the reality of where people are, not from where he wants them to be. And that starts with deep listening.

A few other gleanings: Lance reaffirmed his value both to himself and others, beyond his work world. After 28 years he wasn't at all sure if there was a distinct person beneath his professional life and credentials. On this journey he found his center again and realigned his moral compass. On this journey he confronted his own mortality and developed a realistic timeline of his life. He no longer fears being surprised by unforeseen circumstances or caught off guard by change.

He knows any trip can become an invaluable journey just by paying great attention to the moments, not the miles. He sees clearly what must be given time and attention in each day and which worries and tasks matter the least. He is very grateful to have arrived at his "Faculty Phase of Life" and relieved to be beyond the "Audition Phase" in any of his roles. Lance feels he is now in control of his daily destiny and lifetime legacy.

He realizes he is fated (NP) to always be in search of self and life's meaning, and yet never to find either, at least in any final sense. He also knows he will travel that lonely road with less than 25% of the population and since most people don't suffer that curse, if he sometimes feels alone or misunderstood in his Quixotic quest, at least there is a good reason. And for the first time in his life, he is OK with that. It is his character in the play of life. On the other hand, unlike many others, he is naturally equipped to look around corners, over the horizon and into the future better than most and then to do something tangible about it through sheer will power and the leadership ability to engage others. He is ill equipped to sit on any sideline.

Happily, Lance has found a new voice within and hopes it will stick around. He wants to become a fearless asker, a shameless negotiator for Strathmore's future, and a humble servant of the "common good" in his community. He has realigned his internal compass with a True North found within his heart. He has a new sense of what matters and what doesn't. He senses a clearer ability to assess the character of his colleagues and business partners and has less tolerance for passion without action and action without passion. Recently, he has learned to enjoy watching others succeed, not just himself. For the first time in his life, he can see a future of fewer people in his life, not more. Of deeper friendships and fewer acquaintances. Of tasting life less and savoring it more. Of looking for people whose silence attracts attention and learning from them.

Looking back, Lance can't connect each of these outcomes to a specific moment in his journey. Somehow, each gleaning sifted itself out of the whole adventure and onto the keyboard. But as he walks into his office tomorrow morning, he knows what his highest and best use can be to the organization, to his family and to his future. And that was the whole point.

Stay tuned, gentle readers. Lance lives.

So What: The Present Lance

Having reviewed the Past yesterday, Lance turns his attention to the Present today. Who is he at 60? What has he become by intention or by accident? What tools does he have going forward to equip him for 3.o Phase of Life challenges? Where does he stand on values and principals?

All leadership begins with the maximum Know Thyself. Having felt like he was losing knowledge and confidence in himself over the past few years, Lance struck out on an adventure that would test who he is, what he believes and what values he cherishes. Here is who he found as he prepares to re-enter life.

Given nothing to do, his mind wanders toward the wistful. Peace is to be found in the wind in the trees, rain on a roof or the silence of a sunset. Hours alone in a car helped him rediscover the glory of silence and now he much prefers it to the television, radio or blaring CD's so ubiquitous to modern life. Silence has become the rare exception, the fleeting window into the soul, and must be sought out since it doesn't come easily anymore. The quiet reflection needed to understand one's self can only be heard when the ambient noise of life is muted. A quiet space and time is more important now than it was before when he feared it. Silence is in Lance's power to find and productively use.

Emerging from a life of heavy responsibility for taking care of others, Lance is less encumbered now than he has been in 30 years. He is more capable of feeling compassion, rather than pity, and takes more time to connect than to deflect people. Lance's Life at 3.0 can be more about love and less about duty. Time has real boundaries to Lance and since the final plight of man is undeniably universal, the reality of our differences is mundane. That missionary zeal in Lance's youth, to make us all of one image, is gone. And the new freedom it affords Lance is both intoxicating and empowering. Now is the time to act on it. Start with who we are, not who we are not.

Lance knows research shows the most desirable reward for employees is to be challenged to achieve, to be recognized for success, to be given real responsibility and trust, to be provided the opportunity for advancement and to have the chance to grow into a more empowered person. Meaningful work and a trusting workplace provide all of that. It is Lance's job to continually ensure these conditions apply to his workplace while still accomplishing the mission at hand. Leadership isn't about being loved, being right or being someone else. Lance is coming back to work with a new respect for rewarding character (who you are) and competence (what you can do well). Only that combination builds trust, the real key to a good workplace and sustainable organization. And it starts at the top or sadly ends there.

When the little voice inside his head speaks, Lance will listen very carefully. It rarely steers him wrong. (However, sometimes it is silent and Lance is on his own.)

The journey Lance was on was never about sites to see, but insights to discover. That journey can continue every day, just as long as Lance remembers he can choose how he spends time. And as long as he listens more than he talks. His silence must be eloquent.

Lance doesn't need more achievements. Now he needs to help others achieve theirs. In his Faculty Phase of Life, he must enable and empower others. Lance has always preached that "leading from the back of the room" is the hardest but most rewarding kind of leadership. Upon his return, every day is a new chance to practice this at work and at home. It's time to help others plant trees under which Lance will never sit. That humility is where it all begins.

Speaking of home, Fatherhood is much more gratifying now that the kids have to deal with the real world. Not easier. Not more important. Just more fulfilling and better suited to Lance's skill set. He can almost sit still and know they will be coming soon because Life is impacting them in new ways every day. For once, Lance has seen the answers in the back of the book before they have. Enabling and empowering them has nothing but upside. Bring It!

Lance's recent shift in life perspective coincides with a dawning, in a different but no less compelling way, in his wife. Now that she is established in her dream career and the children are leaving the nest, stirrings of the mind not heard since the pre-baby era are rustling in the trees tops of Sunday morning musings. Still distant from the "over 60 issues" Lance is exploring, she nonetheless is imagining possibilities of reshaping the homestead for two that present themselves without the bondage and blinders of young parenthood. Patience will out.

Lance acknowledges his unrepentant tendency to be an intuitive transformational leader which requires being surrounded by judgmental transactional leaders. Neither type can succeed without the other. He knows his place and appreciates theirs much more, having been without them this summer. He knows upon his return he must get outside more to acquire new resources, engage the private sector with vigor, reassure the ever changing public sector with confidence, and support his Board and employees at every turn in their work. His success must always be their success. The next future of Strathmore is now brewing and past glories are fast losing their currency. Future tense, new dreams and the next vision are the language of Now.

Of course, all is not new. Lance The Present still values many things from his Past. He still believes:

The best life lessons are always right there in front of us, if we only look within.

The Creativity Solution lives just outside all of our regular assumptions.

Most people want to dream big, not small and they will pay attention to ideas with energy. People will give only after they engage, so create opportunities for engagement of the many.

Never wait for the right people, the right ideas, or the time. They may never come.

If it was easy, it would have already happened. If it hasn't happened, know the reason why.

Managers follow recipes. Leaders draw maps.

We can only do what we envision, so think and speak in pictures. Then others can follow.

Everyone just wants to be loved by someone, even if they can't say it out loud.

Everyone needs to love somebody or life has no meaning.

Sometimes we love what we can't have. That is life, too.

The arts are like a sprinkler, wherever they flow, everything is somehow greener.

Much to his surprise and relief, Lance The Present is getting excited about returning to work.

Who knew...

What: The Past in Review

And so, the last official week of Lance's Excellent Sabbatical begins. On a rainy Monday morning holed up in a friend's place at Deep Creek Lake in Garrett County, Maryland, solitude has become his best friend. Here, in the forested mountain sanctuary, he hopes to put it all together and glean lessons from his singularly unique journey into himself.

This past week has not been conducive to such calm reflection with the sudden, albeit blessed demise of his father-in-law, a long suffering 87 year old Parkinson's patient, father of ten and erstwhile church choir member. In fact, the day before his death, he suddenly sang out, loud and long from his hospital bed in his best voice with hymns and carols directed at everyone (and no one) for almost an hour. Why? How?

Perhaps God gives us one last burst of energy to say that which is left unsaid in our life just before passing, Lance thought. His own father, growing weaker by the day after a fall three years ago, suddenly regaled Lance at his bedside with stories of his youth some 80 years ago...stories Lance had never heard before. He spoke with eloquent clarity, enthusiasm and passion, then lapsed into the silence that precedes an exhausted death.

In both cases, these men struggled to get up from their bed as if they knew that if they could only get vertical, Death could not catch them. They both pleaded to be free from tubes, wires and restraints, but didn't have the strength or the self control to retain their freedom even if granted. Now Lance had clear feelings about the End of Life rules he would leave his relatives. The viewing, the funeral, and the family gathering was well managed, well attended and appreciated by the family much to his wife's relief. Closure would come later for her as it had for Lance in his time.

Meanwhile, back at Life, the last week of September (where did the month go?) signaled Lance it was time to cash in his winnings from playing the gaming tables of Lance Alone, Lance and Family and Lance in Workshops. So, gathering his chips, he decided to sort them into practical piles called What? So What? Now What?, a familiar format he uses in strategic planning workshops.

"What" are what lessons the Past has taught him: what made him who he is.

"So What" are the lessons of the Present: who is he understands himself to be, now.

"Now What" are the lessons he will carry into the Future, who he will become for the remainder of his life.

Today, Lance wants to talk about the "What" lessons of the Past.

Born of two civic minded parents in 1950, he was raised in a suburban homestead of modest, but adequate means and educated in the ideals of 70's era liberal arts when what you studied was rarely what you became. He barely escaped the Vietnam draft lottery by a fluke. Some early success teaching in a summer peer driven leadership program gave him life-long confidence in speaking, teaching and managing, Later, encouraged and empowered by several older mentors as a program administrator in the arts, he created an arts council, a professional theatre, a multi-disciplinary arts center and an education center/concert hall. Higher level visioning, marketing and lobbying became part of his professional repertoire by default, but took a deeper toll on his soul than he realized at the time. Meanwhile, his reputation as a leadership facilitator spread and workshops became an altruistic sabbatical, balancing his professional interests and network with his personal life and life mission.

A brief marriage in the late 70's was a deep failure for Lance, the first significant setback in his life. But within a few years, Lance married again, and this one stuck. It resulted in four children, three houses and the nest of a loving family he had known as a child. With the traditions of big holiday gatherings, Maine in the summer, music as a bond, BBQ's on the deck, a home where everyone can bring their friends (or dogs) without fear and much laughter, Lance's American Dream was secure.

Of course, if great character can only result from wrestling with grave crisis or failure, Lance is not a likely candidate for the stuff of legends. But, if courageous and continual self examination on a blog counts, there may be hope. Lance is not shy, as any reader of this blog can now attest. In fact, he has encountered remarkably few people quite as prone to share their stories as he has become. That may be a blessing and Lance is painfully aware his own journey into blogging is often tedious to readers.

Back in the early years of Strathmore, a reporter doing a feature on him pronounced him "difficult to know" even to his friends. Portrayed as a cagey, too enthusiastic to be true, "pillow shaped" proselytizer for his cause, Lance was stung by the cynical caricature. (He really winced at "Pillow shaped" which while true, seemed an unnecessary and unfortunate descriptor.) It hurt because Lance prides himself on speaking only what he believes. (He's tried to do the insincere thing but can't seem pull it off effectively.) The truth is the root of his public passion and the reason he eschews scripted remarks. If you believe what you are saying, if you live what you are saying, then the truth can set you free from scripted and rehearsed speeches. Of course, there are times Lance doesn't speak at all...those are the times to pay attention to his silence. Lance's best speeches are focused, timely, informative but always attentive to the audience and to their concerns, even if unspoken.

Lance's father taught him those values as someone who addressed more hostile groups than most as a spokesperson during the decade long building of the Washington Metro. He could win over an audience in a living room or a hotel ballroom with self-deprecating wit, honest facts and the natural ability to listen to their concerns and respond to them without fear. That is what people want someone to listen to them and respect their opinions. Giving truth to them is not manipulative, its responsive.

Lance vividly remembered being publicly roasted during the fundraising and building phase of the concert hall by certain skeptical politicians, a few outspoken neighbors and a couple of cub reporters in search of a headline. He knew, even at the time, that was the price of going where there were no maps. His Dad taught him leaders get shot at. Now, five years later, few remember the heat and even fewer stand by their early verdicts of doom and failure. But for Lance, it was a crucible that melted him to the core and when he emerged again, he was not the same man. It wasn't a failure, but it was life changing.

Having replayed most of his memories of growing up, raising his own family, his working life and snapshots of the mind from the first 60 years while driving 5,000 miles this summer, Lance found little to regret in the choices he'd made.

What he does regret are the choices he didn't make even when the opportunity presented itself. The higher level college classes he never took. The girls he never dated. The shows he never did (West Side Story!) the weekends he missed with his children while on the road. The nights he stayed at work until curtain call, so they were long in bed by the time he got home. The foreign language he never learned, the Maine cabin he never bought, the cruise he never took with his Mother and Father, and the book of poetry he never wrote with his wife.

But most of all, Lance learned how lucky his life has been, how blessed his family is now and how rich he can make every single day, just by paying attention to the teeming life all around him.

If that isn't honest enough for that reporter, nothing will be.