Sweeping Up

Lance Stiehl was finally home.

After a month alone on the road, he arrived home just in time to deal with the remnants of a three-day power outage, no air conditioning, no perishable food in the house and a critical need to get his car repaired after an unfortunate run-in between The Silver Steed and a large piece of truck tire tread in Memphis. His found his son who had returned from Barcelona, just barely, after being "profiled" at the airport thereby delaying the flight for two hours. His professor wife was still in Cambridge, England chaperoning 26 Honors students for three weeks. But for now, Part One of the Great Sabbatical Trilogy was over and aside from photos to tag, there were many thoughts to collect and lessons learned. Over 4,500 miles of thoughts were just lying there, cluttering up the desktop of his mind. It was time to straighten things up. Four "file folders of the mind" appeared to him as he reviewed what he learned about himself. He listed them, thusly;

My Day: Bringing Higher Value To Each Day
My Job: Focusing on New Priorities and Initiatives
My Family: Changing Old Roles and Spaces
My Passions: The Lance Bucket List 3.0

My Day:

Prior to the trip, "A Day in the Life of Lance" had been, in a word, work-centric. Up early with coffee, the paper and sudoku. Meetings all day, performances or TV at night. Repeat. Weekends featured Saturday morning with The Guys at Panera, the usual domestic errands, and lots of negotiating things to do as a family or couple with too many conflicting schedules and expectations. Often, it was easier for Lance just to say "OK, you all do your thing, I'll do mine." But Lance was burning time, not living it. And when he did "his thing", too often it was a movie, back to the office or napping on the couch.

Strangely, while Lance was on the road, he was never bored and watched virtually no TV. When he was driving, he was thinking. When he stopped, he was studying everything around him. Every night when he fell asleep, he couldn't wait to get started the next day even though he had no idea where he was going or what he would find there. He was rarely disappointed though, whatever he found. As a motorcycle riding friend recently reminded him, the point of the ride is the journey, not the destination. Lance asked himself why can't every day be lived like that? How can I make every day an exciting ride toward a destination, but remembering that the quality of the journey is the real goal?

My Job:

Lance has already spent one of his blogs explicitly redefining his job when he returns (see the DRAFT Five B's.) On the road, he had a markedly clearer vision of what he should focus on and what he could now let go of. Still missing was the staff's own evaluation of their new duties and their vision for their own of growth. Lance had no illusions about the fact that he now needs to be more about raising up the next generation of leaders. He already sensed they were chomping at the bit in every department, as they should be. For himself, Lance needed to move from daily manager to architect of the future. From driving the monthly budget to paving the road to the future with major sustainable income from new sources. He must now think multi-year development and every project he works on should start with the question, when this is achieved, is it something we'll all be proud of 5 to 10 years from now? He needed to lift his eyes to the horizon, build an even stronger Board, fill a solid 3 part endowment and solidify an institutional mission/identity for the ages. In a sense, this is what he's trained his entire life to do. But if he waited any longer to shift his focus, he'd be redundant to his own staff. Lance realized he really never can go home again. He has to move forward.

My Family:

Speaking of never being able to go home again, in much the same way his staff has stepped up handling matters in his absence, Lance's children too have proved their emerging maturity during the absence of both parents for almost three weeks. On the road, Lance checked in by cell phone (way too often...) only to discover they were fine. Even in a major power outage that shut down 300,000 homes, they survived together. Best of all, they had become a real team. They actually liked each other and chose to spend time together. Lance knew he'd would never fully know the intrigues they shared by text and on evenings out, but the fact that they shared their lives with each other was more than gratifying. With that new found degree of independence from Lance, it was becoming clear that his old Father role had to change, as well. Sure, his money was always welcome but his advice, not so much. Listening was his new best tool. Preaching was bankrupt. Dad cooking for everyone usually meant Lance eating alone with lots of leftovers. Even his wife preferred to eat what she wanted, when she wanted and it was rarely anything Lance could prepare.

This was so different from Lance's home as a child where dinnertime was the one time everyone set aside to be together. Not so long ago Lance loved to shop on Saturday or Sunday, whichever day he had off, and then make a big dinner for everyone. Not any longer. Whatever role he was moving into after 60, it couldn't be based on predictable family togetherness beyond the standard holidays, and someday even those bonds would melt. So how could Lance value his family, without practicing rituals?

And then he saw the answer. The rituals of yesteryear have no inherent magic, only the people do. Every encounter with family needs to be honored with open ears and a supportive heart, whenever and wherever it arises. Although he often forgets it, Lance doesn't control anyone but himself. He can only hold himself accountable to be available, attentive and responsive to whatever value he can bring to the few family moments OTHERS initiate. For the first time, he realized it had happened the same way with his parents when he moved out after college (there's a concept...moving out!) They slid comfortably into the "We're here when you need us" role, so smoothly he never noticed. So that would be Lance's new family role: convenient Interdependence... quite different from both dependence (a child) and independent (all alone).

And he decided to completely re-do the Library into a his-and-her office suite. That should take the month of September to clean it out and set it up. Lance smiled at the message that might send to the kids..."OK. Now, its all about us!"

My Passions:

Most of the wise old people Lance had encountered in his travels, when asked how to live happily after 60 said "Pursue your passion!" Fine. But Lance honestly thought he had spent his entire life pursuing his various passions of arts, leadership and administration. His life had not been one of deferred gratification, professional frustration, or stoically working for "The Man" without personal satisfaction. The only thing he ever gave up that he truly loved was dancing. And while several people had told him he should get back into it, social dancing is a bore. Musical Theatre choreography is his love. But Lance has seen one too many senior community theatre types (and a few full blown, vintage professionals) clinging far too long to a self-image of 20-30 years ago, whilst avoiding the mirror lest they see how pathetic they have become. He dances in the car now, where he is still sure footed and perfectly rhythmic with the stereo turned all the way up.

Lance's other passions? Teaching leadership. This will be a mainstay of any future life plan. Now that he actually has some wisdom to dispense, he is sure there is market, opportunity and talent to be exploited. Most recently, Lance has felt a 40 year pull to create the sustainable Board of Directors and operating model for Maryland Leadership Workshops it has aways deserved. This high school age program launched his self-confidence and career and continues to do the same for many others. While a handful of heroes have held it together over the years, the problem is structural. Until the foundation is strengthened, it could blow away in one or two political or financial windstorms. Lance knew MLW was a unique educational peer teaching model and demanded some one's attention now. Lance had the tools, history and relationships to help. It was time.

But Lance struggled mightily with what other passions he could follow. He had no patience for writing a book or picking up a musical instrument again. He had given his all by leading two capital campaigns to build a new church building in the face of a recession. Lance didn't bowl, fish, hunt, play golf, go drinking, collect stamps or play competitive cards. He didn't like NASCAR, football, baseball, soccer or basketball. And beyond the usual cooking shows, his tastes in TV were decidedly weird...Weeds, Burn Notice, Mad Men, Big Love, So You Think You Can Dance, The Big Bang Theory, Dexter and Glee! (Yes, Glee! Not the plot, just the music and dancing: it's that show thing still whispering in his ear...) Anyway, these aren't passions, they are pastimes.

For Lance, there was scant magic left in diving into the political process after the legislative battles he'd seen. The best things could only be accomplished in the dark and truly selfless acts by politicians were rare, even when the money was available. Worst of all, it seemed no good deed ever went unpunished by those who saw someone else's success as a challenge to their own. A friend of his once commented during formal testimony on a major arts project, "This government makes it almost impossible to do the right thing, even when you're a volunteer." And he was right. Politics was out.

New passions? Lance forced himself to create a bucket list, most of which he never thought of before:

Lance's Bucket List 3.0

- Chautauqua Institute for a week every summer with wife and any children who want to come. (brand new)
- Maine for 2 weeks every summer with anyone who wants to come, then three, then four. (OK, that's an old one with a twist!)
- Maryland Leadership Workshops (MLW) set for life.
- Strathmore Creativity Institute or whatever it turns out to be.
- A Honda Gold Wing "Trike" motorcycle for weekend Lance-a-lotting alone in the countryside.
- Grandchildren who don't live too close or to far.
- A weekly radio talk show of good, surprising and creative news.
- Possible part-time business with one or more of my children or wife.
- Visit the Canadian Alps, Italy, Swiss Alps, Vancouver, Montreal, Quebec, Alaska, Australia & New Zealand, a cruise anywhere.
- Die timely and painlessly.

That last one just popped into Lance's head at the very end. But it is something he thinks about often after watching his Dad die with neither dignity or comfort, way too long after he had stopped truly living. "Don't know how to manage that one", Lance thought, "But always have a smooth exit prepared was a workshop commandment."

Apparently, the trip had done its work. Lance had a solid idea not only of who he was, without work, but who he wanted to be for the rest of his life. He knew what he had to do to bring greater value to each day, his work, his family and where to steer his future. The cost of the trip? About $2,000 and 4,500 miles. The value of the trip...priceless.

Tomorrow, Lance takes his youngest son to MLW and will stick around for a couple of days remembering what his first workshop week was like in 1967. And Part Two of the Great Sabbatical Trilogy continues.