Why then?
He crafted the rational that now that he was 60 and this was the time to do it. In fact, there wasn't anything special about turning 60 that gave one permission to go off and chase a dream for a few months. There wasn't any policy that suddenly allowed him to do what he could never bring himself to do in the previous 60 years. There wasn't anything new about the state of his work, the state of his family or the state of the union that made this divinely permissible. It was a great time in his life to go, but not the first nor last time he could have chosen to do it. It was always within him. It was always in front of him. He just never picked it up and did it.
And there we have it, Lance thought. The time to realize dreams is always now, not later. The time to make something happen is when you decide to, not when permission comes from somewhere else. The primary obstacle to each of us realizing our dreams is giving ourselves the sole permission to do so. Lance gave himself the permission and only then did it come true. Only when he acted, not talked about it, did life change so remarkably.
Admittedly, Lance knew there may be a price to pay for taking actions once dreamed. It may require giving up something else, at least for a short period. It may mean momentarily disappointing others who dare not act upon their own dreams. They may resent the fact that you are doing what they never had the courage to do. They may judge you against their own standard of what is acceptable behavior for them. (a tragic measuring stick...) and it may mean risking our carefully nurtured reputation for being predictable, dependable and uncontroversial. (God save us from our own reputation of perfection!)
But having answered the call once, Lance knew that to take a day (or a few days) now and then to chase a dream doesn't have to wreck any one's life, and it might actually save a few. No one is likely to die, get fired or fall into a life of sloth and pernicious behavior. True dreams don't take folks to such dark places. Dreams pursued take people to better selves, higher purposes and new adventures in wonder. Dreams gravitate toward the good.
Yet, there are so many times we tell ourselves, "Gee, I wish I could..." and then all the reasons it wouldn't be practical crowd in upon us. Upon careful reflection, most of those obstacles have easy solutions. Certainly, a good friend, a loving mate, or an enlightened boss can make everything easier, Lance admitted, but even without such stalwart helpers, good planning and advance notice make such escapes possible in most cases. The hard part is believing we can do it without guilt for our imaginary sins of ommision. Perhaps the most devastating voice is the one that says, "Surely, I can't do it if my friends and family can't!) That is a powerful disincentive until you realize, BUT THEY CAN. They just haven't realized it yet. And they haven't acted on it, which is even worse.
Lance asked himself, why do so many of us defer chasing their dreams, even in bite sized pieces, and for so long? Why do so many die without ever having shaken off the drudgery of one-foot-in-front-of-the-the-every-day? Why, when a dream we expressed to someone is suddenly enabled for us, why do we cast it aside as if the whole exercise was never more than a fools errand, not suited to people of real merit and responsibility? Even on a platter, dreams are hard to accept.
Many of the people Lance met on his journey, when hearing of his Quixotic quest, immediately cried out, "Oh, I wish I could do that...but of course I can't right now." The reasons were rarely listed. Walking away, Lance knew they never would do such a thing. The time would never be quite right. Moreover, they would never make the time to do it. They would never allow themselves to do for what they had longed. Someone had taught them that dreaming is for kids.
So how did Lance do it? One day he saw that he not only could, but he must. He got urgency. He knew he could not defer this dream any longer because he'd seen people run out of time in this life. He saw that it was only for him, only about him, and only up to him. Permission was his alone to give and no one would ever do it for him. And while he asked other people to please do without him for a while, he asked no one if he should or could live his dream. In the end, we die alone, so in our lives, we must be our own final decider of our fate. He realized few consequences could ever exceed the lasting value of a dream pursued and caught. The calculus was compelling.
How often can one chase their dreams? Perhaps its not a reasonable thing to do every day, but it could be possible. Dreams are not a gift without cost, but they can't be deferred until we can't enjoy them. Lance decided had to get outside of his daily pattern to see who else, not just what else, he could be.
What we are depends on who we are, not the other way around. This is the first time Lance got that in the right order. Most of his life he spent trying to be"something" assuming being "someone" would naturally follow. Now, he wants to live the rest of his life first being the someone he has discovered and see where that takes him.
He can do that because Lance found a different someone inside himself he hadn't known before. This person could be quiet, reflective, philosophical, and observant. He could be a follower, a student, a wallflower and a really good friend. He could be alone and not go mad or be in a crowd and yet focus on just one person. He could wait for the right opportunity instead of jumping at the first opportunity. He could speak without worrying about being judged and not have to answer every challenge presented to him. This is not the person who embarked on the journey on July5, 2010. This is not the person he expected to find.
So, Lance is now in a serious search for how to keep this "daily choice" alive in his life. To always be able to hear the voice within, to keep his eyes on the horizon and to give himself permission to choose his actions everyday. This is the dream so many want. To believe we can't choose, that is the nightmare.
No comments:
Post a Comment