Moving On, Alone.

In the last two days, Lance has announced to the world (or at least his staff and Executive Committee) that his adventure has led him to split his CEO/President job in two. He is giving away the Presidency and the day-to-day management duties of the Strathmore operation to his Executive VP for Administration.

He is keeping, but expanding, the role of CEO to broaden the footprint of Strathmore throughout the region and State, to raise big dollars for long term investments, and to build a "2020 Vision" for the coming decade. He'll spend most of his time out of the office as a "rainmaker" seeking bigger resources, new talents and mutual collaborations with outside entities,

He'll focus on finding ways to take Strathmore's considerable assets into places quite remote from the traditional 11 acre home base. He will get his head out of the weeds of everyday crisis management so he can raise his eyes to the horizon, to new worlds of relationships and new missions. He will think everyday on something other than other people's problems.

(Funny. Everyone readily agreed it was time for this change. No one blinked. No one expressed any concerns. Hmmmmm...)

Maybe Lance was the last, not the first, to discover this logical next step. Maybe it has been obvious to others for sometime now and he just had to get away to see what others already knew. Maybe all this inner turmoil was for naught. No big thing. No drama. Ho hum.

Bummer. Even now, the trumpets of heaven are silent. The fireworks fizzled. Tomorrow is Thursday...and life plods on.

Lance misses the drama of daily discovery he had all summer long. He's gotta get back to that sense of adventure soon or his voice might fall silent. He described that voice today as the sound of truth without manipulation. Not trying to impress, convert, motivate or hide anything, the voice of Lance just speaks raw truth as he perceives it and always before he has formulated any logical argument to substantiate it. It is instinctual, not premeditated.

Occassionally, over the past few days, it has popped out, quite unedited and at inopportune times. Today, n the midst of a meeting with some consultants, Lance found himself overtly (almost rudely) driving the conversation to the already obvious conclusion just because he couldn't stand the ponderous pace of the consultant's meanderings. His stunning sense of self importance aside, the man took twenty minutes to say what he could have said in one sentence. The new Lance doesn't take kindly to such conceits.

And while we're on the topic, there are a few other things Lance has been noticing about his new office demeanor.

This new Lance uses silence like a power tool to drill down on what is important beneath people's initial screen of safe talk. He is almost painfully aware of their tone, tempo, inflection and vocal tension - hyper-aware, in fact. He is getting more adept at keeping his mouth shut and watching others leap before they think.

All of his "antenna" seem to be operating at much higher levels. Life all around him seems to be moving in slow motion compared to his mind's narrative. He has seen this movie already and knows the ending.

He is no longer romanticizing work relationships, but rather silently evaluating them for their ability to achieve real outcomes, not just good intentions. And at least for now, he assumes every relationship must be re-established finding that some may take considerable time to get back to "comfortable", if ever.

It is as if some internal clock is ticking faster and he is more aware of time running out than ever before.

There is a sense of "no longer suffering fools lightly" and far less interest in taking the long way around, just for the sake of some kumbaya ritual of everyone coming to the right answer after seemingly hours of discussion. The language of the staff is different now and the center of gravity is shifting daily. What is exciting and new in their world isn't for Lance. What is important and vital for Lance isn't even on their radar.

Yeah. This is a good time to strike out on his own into a new and expanded world of possibilities. The site isn't big enough anymore. That is fast becoming apparent to him. And he isn't interested in hunting in a pack like he used to. You travel faster alone, Lance thought. Distance isn't as important anymore. Time is.

Back On His Feet Again

Last we talked, Lance felt lost. Now back in the world from which he escaped for a few months, he was at first caught off guard by his own disorientation upon his return to work. Fast forward to now, it is almost one month since he has been back, and he has regained his mental balance. His routine is re-established, his relationships are still strong and his sense of efficacy and relevance is once again solid.

Not the same, but solid.

In fact, very little about Lance's feelings are the same as when he left. His orientation to the world has shifted and his sense of what is important is dramatically different. Much of the drama of the past now looks just plain silly. Old "To Do" lists are filled with a million tiny fine tunings that didn't move the march of civilization one step closer to that golden city on the hill, yet Lance once invested them with great importance and passion. Going away and coming back brings with it a whole new view of his job and his value to his work. That was earth shaking at first, because of the perceived loss of function. Now, it is mind blowing in it's awesome potential.

Wrestling with the intramural battles between personalities, kingdoms and protocols once seemed so majestic, but now his mind goes straight to the games being played and says, "No thanks. I'll be over here working on outcomes that matter, that move mountains, not molehills."

It is what Lance has been preparing to do for 30 years...to rise above the operational and break into whole new worlds of untapped opportunity. There is nothing he won't seek out, stretch towards or invite into discussion if it can expand the footprint of Strathmore into a new realm. Unbounded by the daily demands of management (through the miracle of delegation) he has only to think it, to pursue it. And while it may take some getting used to after decades of minding the daily store, this is the only way forward. There is no going back. Of that, he is quite sure.

Lance has come home, but it is a different home now. He listens to that inner voice first, not as an afterthought. He listens more carefully, longer and allow silence to do its work. He is fully aware of how he is being perceived and how little it takes to imply judgement..a raised eyebrow, a pause, a half smile all seem to a subtle signal others who wonder what he is thinking. It isn't intentional, but many around him seem to be working overtime to read his thoughts. And the quieter he is, the more curious they are. Meanwhile, Lance is finding himself projecting the script of conversations he is in as if he's already had them and they aren't compelling enough to hold his attention as they once used to.

His mind is constantly wondering to the big questions.

What do the arts do for the un-artistically appreciative citizen?

What is the nature of creativity and why is it so rarely sought, taught or celebrated in daily life?

How can Strathmore get out into the region and impact people's lives outside of the school or performance venue?

What is he ultimate value of this institution to the future of our County beyond shows and classes?

With his new office-at-home setup and his children fully engaged in their own lives again, this is a new age for Lance with fewer restrictions, more assets and a course he can chart for as far as his mind can see.

This is a journey again, this time without an end date.

He Never Saw It Coming..

Lance is back at work. He's been there a week. But he isn't there. He is quiet now.

He went away feeling restless, found peace in his future, returned feeling reinvigorated, but discovered you can never go backwards in life. He must now rebuild his relevance, not by reaching back, but by moving ahead and leaving old responsibilities behind.

That will be a journey worth reporting.

Lance: Gleanings for the Future

It's Sunday afternoon and Lance is savoring the final hours of his three month journey of discovery before returning to work tomorrow. Knowing that tomorrow morning he'll have to answer the dreaded question, "So how, was your three month vacation (heh, heh)" about a hundred times he's been trying to boil it all down to a bumper sticker...something simple, clear, informative and yet understated.

Abject enthusiasm will just reinforce the inevitable suspicion that he was engaged in an unnatural act of escapist loafing rather than a deeply meaningful inward journey of discovery and serendipity. Any long winded effusive description of the adventure will invite that glazed-eye stare indicating they are sorry they asked and gosh, they have to be somewhere else, 5 minutes ago.

What the hell, Lance concluded, they'll think what they want to think and unless they are willing to subject themselves to this Promethean blog, there's simply no explaining the machinations of his mind for the last 90 days, at least not in any depth. Those looking for a travelogue will be sorely disappointed with only Graceland and Asheville to chew on. Those looking for revelations and stunning new truths will go away empty handed save the occasional insight. Those looking for romance, drama, or danger... well, they're just plain out of luck.

But those looking for rebirth of spirit and mission, new perspectives on time and success, new resolutions to listen and lead more patiently, and the new quiet confidence of knowing the simple value of friends, family, and community...those people will be gratified. "It was a bit like cleaning out the closet of my life," Lance recently told a friend. "Many of my outfits are clearly out of style, meant for another age, or the wrong fit for my body of today. My thinking, visioning, teaching, fathering, husbanding, leading and loving is different at this age, but I had to get away to some quiet, distant places to be able to see that."

Sorting through those racks of memories, Lance found many of his old behaviors and assumptions had become bad habits. His old management practices seemed too directive by denying employees the chance to become empowered by solving their own problems. His fatherly scoldings at home no longer seemed appropriate or helpful now that his children were fast becoming adults and seeking their own path (wrong as it may be!)

Lance finally learned he must allow his wife to be who she authentically is, not someone compelled to complement his shortcomings. He acknowledged the tremendous personality differences in people as breathtakingly described in "Please Understand Me." Lance needs to start from the reality of where people are, not from where he wants them to be. And that starts with deep listening.

A few other gleanings: Lance reaffirmed his value both to himself and others, beyond his work world. After 28 years he wasn't at all sure if there was a distinct person beneath his professional life and credentials. On this journey he found his center again and realigned his moral compass. On this journey he confronted his own mortality and developed a realistic timeline of his life. He no longer fears being surprised by unforeseen circumstances or caught off guard by change.

He knows any trip can become an invaluable journey just by paying great attention to the moments, not the miles. He sees clearly what must be given time and attention in each day and which worries and tasks matter the least. He is very grateful to have arrived at his "Faculty Phase of Life" and relieved to be beyond the "Audition Phase" in any of his roles. Lance feels he is now in control of his daily destiny and lifetime legacy.

He realizes he is fated (NP) to always be in search of self and life's meaning, and yet never to find either, at least in any final sense. He also knows he will travel that lonely road with less than 25% of the population and since most people don't suffer that curse, if he sometimes feels alone or misunderstood in his Quixotic quest, at least there is a good reason. And for the first time in his life, he is OK with that. It is his character in the play of life. On the other hand, unlike many others, he is naturally equipped to look around corners, over the horizon and into the future better than most and then to do something tangible about it through sheer will power and the leadership ability to engage others. He is ill equipped to sit on any sideline.

Happily, Lance has found a new voice within and hopes it will stick around. He wants to become a fearless asker, a shameless negotiator for Strathmore's future, and a humble servant of the "common good" in his community. He has realigned his internal compass with a True North found within his heart. He has a new sense of what matters and what doesn't. He senses a clearer ability to assess the character of his colleagues and business partners and has less tolerance for passion without action and action without passion. Recently, he has learned to enjoy watching others succeed, not just himself. For the first time in his life, he can see a future of fewer people in his life, not more. Of deeper friendships and fewer acquaintances. Of tasting life less and savoring it more. Of looking for people whose silence attracts attention and learning from them.

Looking back, Lance can't connect each of these outcomes to a specific moment in his journey. Somehow, each gleaning sifted itself out of the whole adventure and onto the keyboard. But as he walks into his office tomorrow morning, he knows what his highest and best use can be to the organization, to his family and to his future. And that was the whole point.

Stay tuned, gentle readers. Lance lives.

So What: The Present Lance

Having reviewed the Past yesterday, Lance turns his attention to the Present today. Who is he at 60? What has he become by intention or by accident? What tools does he have going forward to equip him for 3.o Phase of Life challenges? Where does he stand on values and principals?

All leadership begins with the maximum Know Thyself. Having felt like he was losing knowledge and confidence in himself over the past few years, Lance struck out on an adventure that would test who he is, what he believes and what values he cherishes. Here is who he found as he prepares to re-enter life.

Given nothing to do, his mind wanders toward the wistful. Peace is to be found in the wind in the trees, rain on a roof or the silence of a sunset. Hours alone in a car helped him rediscover the glory of silence and now he much prefers it to the television, radio or blaring CD's so ubiquitous to modern life. Silence has become the rare exception, the fleeting window into the soul, and must be sought out since it doesn't come easily anymore. The quiet reflection needed to understand one's self can only be heard when the ambient noise of life is muted. A quiet space and time is more important now than it was before when he feared it. Silence is in Lance's power to find and productively use.

Emerging from a life of heavy responsibility for taking care of others, Lance is less encumbered now than he has been in 30 years. He is more capable of feeling compassion, rather than pity, and takes more time to connect than to deflect people. Lance's Life at 3.0 can be more about love and less about duty. Time has real boundaries to Lance and since the final plight of man is undeniably universal, the reality of our differences is mundane. That missionary zeal in Lance's youth, to make us all of one image, is gone. And the new freedom it affords Lance is both intoxicating and empowering. Now is the time to act on it. Start with who we are, not who we are not.

Lance knows research shows the most desirable reward for employees is to be challenged to achieve, to be recognized for success, to be given real responsibility and trust, to be provided the opportunity for advancement and to have the chance to grow into a more empowered person. Meaningful work and a trusting workplace provide all of that. It is Lance's job to continually ensure these conditions apply to his workplace while still accomplishing the mission at hand. Leadership isn't about being loved, being right or being someone else. Lance is coming back to work with a new respect for rewarding character (who you are) and competence (what you can do well). Only that combination builds trust, the real key to a good workplace and sustainable organization. And it starts at the top or sadly ends there.

When the little voice inside his head speaks, Lance will listen very carefully. It rarely steers him wrong. (However, sometimes it is silent and Lance is on his own.)

The journey Lance was on was never about sites to see, but insights to discover. That journey can continue every day, just as long as Lance remembers he can choose how he spends time. And as long as he listens more than he talks. His silence must be eloquent.

Lance doesn't need more achievements. Now he needs to help others achieve theirs. In his Faculty Phase of Life, he must enable and empower others. Lance has always preached that "leading from the back of the room" is the hardest but most rewarding kind of leadership. Upon his return, every day is a new chance to practice this at work and at home. It's time to help others plant trees under which Lance will never sit. That humility is where it all begins.

Speaking of home, Fatherhood is much more gratifying now that the kids have to deal with the real world. Not easier. Not more important. Just more fulfilling and better suited to Lance's skill set. He can almost sit still and know they will be coming soon because Life is impacting them in new ways every day. For once, Lance has seen the answers in the back of the book before they have. Enabling and empowering them has nothing but upside. Bring It!

Lance's recent shift in life perspective coincides with a dawning, in a different but no less compelling way, in his wife. Now that she is established in her dream career and the children are leaving the nest, stirrings of the mind not heard since the pre-baby era are rustling in the trees tops of Sunday morning musings. Still distant from the "over 60 issues" Lance is exploring, she nonetheless is imagining possibilities of reshaping the homestead for two that present themselves without the bondage and blinders of young parenthood. Patience will out.

Lance acknowledges his unrepentant tendency to be an intuitive transformational leader which requires being surrounded by judgmental transactional leaders. Neither type can succeed without the other. He knows his place and appreciates theirs much more, having been without them this summer. He knows upon his return he must get outside more to acquire new resources, engage the private sector with vigor, reassure the ever changing public sector with confidence, and support his Board and employees at every turn in their work. His success must always be their success. The next future of Strathmore is now brewing and past glories are fast losing their currency. Future tense, new dreams and the next vision are the language of Now.

Of course, all is not new. Lance The Present still values many things from his Past. He still believes:

The best life lessons are always right there in front of us, if we only look within.

The Creativity Solution lives just outside all of our regular assumptions.

Most people want to dream big, not small and they will pay attention to ideas with energy. People will give only after they engage, so create opportunities for engagement of the many.

Never wait for the right people, the right ideas, or the time. They may never come.

If it was easy, it would have already happened. If it hasn't happened, know the reason why.

Managers follow recipes. Leaders draw maps.

We can only do what we envision, so think and speak in pictures. Then others can follow.

Everyone just wants to be loved by someone, even if they can't say it out loud.

Everyone needs to love somebody or life has no meaning.

Sometimes we love what we can't have. That is life, too.

The arts are like a sprinkler, wherever they flow, everything is somehow greener.

Much to his surprise and relief, Lance The Present is getting excited about returning to work.

Who knew...

What: The Past in Review

And so, the last official week of Lance's Excellent Sabbatical begins. On a rainy Monday morning holed up in a friend's place at Deep Creek Lake in Garrett County, Maryland, solitude has become his best friend. Here, in the forested mountain sanctuary, he hopes to put it all together and glean lessons from his singularly unique journey into himself.

This past week has not been conducive to such calm reflection with the sudden, albeit blessed demise of his father-in-law, a long suffering 87 year old Parkinson's patient, father of ten and erstwhile church choir member. In fact, the day before his death, he suddenly sang out, loud and long from his hospital bed in his best voice with hymns and carols directed at everyone (and no one) for almost an hour. Why? How?

Perhaps God gives us one last burst of energy to say that which is left unsaid in our life just before passing, Lance thought. His own father, growing weaker by the day after a fall three years ago, suddenly regaled Lance at his bedside with stories of his youth some 80 years ago...stories Lance had never heard before. He spoke with eloquent clarity, enthusiasm and passion, then lapsed into the silence that precedes an exhausted death.

In both cases, these men struggled to get up from their bed as if they knew that if they could only get vertical, Death could not catch them. They both pleaded to be free from tubes, wires and restraints, but didn't have the strength or the self control to retain their freedom even if granted. Now Lance had clear feelings about the End of Life rules he would leave his relatives. The viewing, the funeral, and the family gathering was well managed, well attended and appreciated by the family much to his wife's relief. Closure would come later for her as it had for Lance in his time.

Meanwhile, back at Life, the last week of September (where did the month go?) signaled Lance it was time to cash in his winnings from playing the gaming tables of Lance Alone, Lance and Family and Lance in Workshops. So, gathering his chips, he decided to sort them into practical piles called What? So What? Now What?, a familiar format he uses in strategic planning workshops.

"What" are what lessons the Past has taught him: what made him who he is.

"So What" are the lessons of the Present: who is he understands himself to be, now.

"Now What" are the lessons he will carry into the Future, who he will become for the remainder of his life.

Today, Lance wants to talk about the "What" lessons of the Past.

Born of two civic minded parents in 1950, he was raised in a suburban homestead of modest, but adequate means and educated in the ideals of 70's era liberal arts when what you studied was rarely what you became. He barely escaped the Vietnam draft lottery by a fluke. Some early success teaching in a summer peer driven leadership program gave him life-long confidence in speaking, teaching and managing, Later, encouraged and empowered by several older mentors as a program administrator in the arts, he created an arts council, a professional theatre, a multi-disciplinary arts center and an education center/concert hall. Higher level visioning, marketing and lobbying became part of his professional repertoire by default, but took a deeper toll on his soul than he realized at the time. Meanwhile, his reputation as a leadership facilitator spread and workshops became an altruistic sabbatical, balancing his professional interests and network with his personal life and life mission.

A brief marriage in the late 70's was a deep failure for Lance, the first significant setback in his life. But within a few years, Lance married again, and this one stuck. It resulted in four children, three houses and the nest of a loving family he had known as a child. With the traditions of big holiday gatherings, Maine in the summer, music as a bond, BBQ's on the deck, a home where everyone can bring their friends (or dogs) without fear and much laughter, Lance's American Dream was secure.

Of course, if great character can only result from wrestling with grave crisis or failure, Lance is not a likely candidate for the stuff of legends. But, if courageous and continual self examination on a blog counts, there may be hope. Lance is not shy, as any reader of this blog can now attest. In fact, he has encountered remarkably few people quite as prone to share their stories as he has become. That may be a blessing and Lance is painfully aware his own journey into blogging is often tedious to readers.

Back in the early years of Strathmore, a reporter doing a feature on him pronounced him "difficult to know" even to his friends. Portrayed as a cagey, too enthusiastic to be true, "pillow shaped" proselytizer for his cause, Lance was stung by the cynical caricature. (He really winced at "Pillow shaped" which while true, seemed an unnecessary and unfortunate descriptor.) It hurt because Lance prides himself on speaking only what he believes. (He's tried to do the insincere thing but can't seem pull it off effectively.) The truth is the root of his public passion and the reason he eschews scripted remarks. If you believe what you are saying, if you live what you are saying, then the truth can set you free from scripted and rehearsed speeches. Of course, there are times Lance doesn't speak at all...those are the times to pay attention to his silence. Lance's best speeches are focused, timely, informative but always attentive to the audience and to their concerns, even if unspoken.

Lance's father taught him those values as someone who addressed more hostile groups than most as a spokesperson during the decade long building of the Washington Metro. He could win over an audience in a living room or a hotel ballroom with self-deprecating wit, honest facts and the natural ability to listen to their concerns and respond to them without fear. That is what people want someone to listen to them and respect their opinions. Giving truth to them is not manipulative, its responsive.

Lance vividly remembered being publicly roasted during the fundraising and building phase of the concert hall by certain skeptical politicians, a few outspoken neighbors and a couple of cub reporters in search of a headline. He knew, even at the time, that was the price of going where there were no maps. His Dad taught him leaders get shot at. Now, five years later, few remember the heat and even fewer stand by their early verdicts of doom and failure. But for Lance, it was a crucible that melted him to the core and when he emerged again, he was not the same man. It wasn't a failure, but it was life changing.

Having replayed most of his memories of growing up, raising his own family, his working life and snapshots of the mind from the first 60 years while driving 5,000 miles this summer, Lance found little to regret in the choices he'd made.

What he does regret are the choices he didn't make even when the opportunity presented itself. The higher level college classes he never took. The girls he never dated. The shows he never did (West Side Story!) the weekends he missed with his children while on the road. The nights he stayed at work until curtain call, so they were long in bed by the time he got home. The foreign language he never learned, the Maine cabin he never bought, the cruise he never took with his Mother and Father, and the book of poetry he never wrote with his wife.

But most of all, Lance learned how lucky his life has been, how blessed his family is now and how rich he can make every single day, just by paying attention to the teeming life all around him.

If that isn't honest enough for that reporter, nothing will be.

Sometime, Ya Gotta Stop and Smell the Future.

Occasionally, Lance trips over phrases in his readings that stop him in his tracks. While brushing up on his Myers-Briggs Type Indicators for a retreat he was doing he came across this description of the Intuitive Type (vs. the Sensible Type) and the air went out of his lungs.

"The kind of language that inspires the Intuitive has no ring to the Sensible. The Intuitive finds appeal in the metaphor and enjoys vivid imagery. He often daydreams, reads poetry, enjoys fantasy and fiction, and can find the study of dreams fascinating. The intuitive acts as if he is an extraterrestrial, a space traveler engaged in explorations beyond the realities of the present and past. The possible is always in front of him, pulling on his imagination like a magnet. The future holds an attraction for the Intuitive which the past and the actual do not. But because his head is often in the clouds, the Intuitive can be subject to greater error about facts than the Sensible, who pays better attention to what is going on about him."

"For the Intuitive, life is around the bend, on the other side of the mountain, just beyond the curve of the horizon. He can speculate for hours about the possibilities. He operates in the future time, "sees around corners," and knows "out of the unconscious." The Intuitive sometimes finds complex ideas coming to him as a complete whole, unable to explain how he knew. These visions, intuitions, or hunches may show up in any realm - technology, sciences, mathematics, philosophy, the arts or one's social life." (Please Understand Me: Character and Temperament Types by David Keirsey & Marilyn Bates 1984)

Lance has long known he tests out quite reliably as an ENFP (Extrovert, Intuitive, Feeling, Perceiving) or as his staff knows, his M/B Prayer reads "Oh God, Help me to think of just one thing ...OH LOOK, A BIRD...at a time." That proclivity, for interrupting himself and others in mid thought with another thought, became the stuff of legend at his workplace driving his perfectly Sensible colleagues nuts. Not to say Lance couldn't play the Sensible himself. He had to in his position. One does what one must do to fulfill their responsibilities, but anyone looking closely would have detected a tic in his eye, and a palsy in his fingers as he struggled to restrain his Intuitive traits. mitigated

But out on the road now, his full Intuitive character, the one who "lives ahead of reality" and "looks around corners' or "just beyond the curve of the horizon," was unleashed. Perhaps these tendencies had been cloaked while at work (called the Adapted State) but out here on the road, that N (called the Natural State) developed into a full blown monster. And Lance isn't sure he wants to put it back into a box. Or even if he can.

So how can a nice extraterrestrial boy from tomorrow land slip inconspicuously back into his old job? He read on.

"The intuitive lives in anticipation. Whatever is can be better, or different, and is seen as only a way station. Consequently, intuitives often experience a vague sense of dissatisfaction and restlessness. They seemed somewhat bothered by reality, constantly looking toward possibilities of changing or improving the actual. The S (sensible) person depends on perspiration where the N person is more likely to depend upon inspiration."

Perspiration vs Inspiration. Going through his friends, family, and staff, Lance could slot most of them into one of these two words. And when he was done, he could validate the statement in the book that about 75% of the general population are Sensibles while only 25% are Intutitives. (Maybe in New England it was the Intuitives being burned as witches by the Sensibles...hey, I'm just sayin'...)

Now his life was making sense. Lance had felt that "vague sense of restlessness" and stuckness. It was one of the driving forces that pushed him out on the road. This past year he had run smack into the reality that The Dream was accomplished and the next horizon was still too dim to see. He had felt, more and more, the pain of perceiving things differently than the majority. He had watched his efforts at imagining new ways of doing business, of perceiving customers, of re-imagining the mission to include "all things creative in society" fall flat in a world of hardworking Sensibles who neither wanted nor embraced such radical ventures, especially in the midst of a recession, They were, of course, right for good and sensible reasons.

But Lance was growing weary of good and sensible reasons. He was weary of cold dreams and old adversaries who would rather fight over an extra parking space than come together to birth a new program. There was a very dear price he paid in his soul for living in a competitive environment where the bottom line and tomorrow's sales were the primary benchmarks of success, not inspiration. Where who has the idea was more important than the idea itself. Where no one, especially Lance, had time to listen, only time to talk.

Oxygen for the mind was what he sought. And when he had enough miles behind him and enough open sky ahead, he could literally breathe better. On the road, it was never about sights to see, only about insights he could see. It was never about speaking, but always about listening. It was all about where Lance could go, not where he couldn't.

Sometimes, you gotta stop and smell...the future. Maybe that is what Lance does best.

The Courage of Our Dreams

For a very long time, Lance went to work on Monday mornings with a weight on his chest and a longing in his heart which begged him to turn the car west and drive into the mountains, even if only for a day. The world would not have ended. The sky would not have fallen. The life he knew would have been there when he came back. But for a hundred reasons, it was never the right day. That is until July 5, 2010.

Why then?

He crafted the rational that now that he was 60 and this was the time to do it. In fact, there wasn't anything special about turning 60 that gave one permission to go off and chase a dream for a few months. There wasn't any policy that suddenly allowed him to do what he could never bring himself to do in the previous 60 years. There wasn't anything new about the state of his work, the state of his family or the state of the union that made this divinely permissible. It was a great time in his life to go, but not the first nor last time he could have chosen to do it. It was always within him. It was always in front of him. He just never picked it up and did it.

And there we have it, Lance thought. The time to realize dreams is always now, not later. The time to make something happen is when you decide to, not when permission comes from somewhere else. The primary obstacle to each of us realizing our dreams is giving ourselves the sole permission to do so. Lance gave himself the permission and only then did it come true. Only when he acted, not talked about it, did life change so remarkably.

Admittedly, Lance knew there may be a price to pay for taking actions once dreamed. It may require giving up something else, at least for a short period. It may mean momentarily disappointing others who dare not act upon their own dreams. They may resent the fact that you are doing what they never had the courage to do. They may judge you against their own standard of what is acceptable behavior for them. (a tragic measuring stick...) and it may mean risking our carefully nurtured reputation for being predictable, dependable and uncontroversial. (God save us from our own reputation of perfection!)

But having answered the call once, Lance knew that to take a day (or a few days) now and then to chase a dream doesn't have to wreck any one's life, and it might actually save a few. No one is likely to die, get fired or fall into a life of sloth and pernicious behavior. True dreams don't take folks to such dark places. Dreams pursued take people to better selves, higher purposes and new adventures in wonder. Dreams gravitate toward the good.

Yet, there are so many times we tell ourselves, "Gee, I wish I could..." and then all the reasons it wouldn't be practical crowd in upon us. Upon careful reflection, most of those obstacles have easy solutions. Certainly, a good friend, a loving mate, or an enlightened boss can make everything easier, Lance admitted, but even without such stalwart helpers, good planning and advance notice make such escapes possible in most cases. The hard part is believing we can do it without guilt for our imaginary sins of ommision. Perhaps the most devastating voice is the one that says, "Surely, I can't do it if my friends and family can't!) That is a powerful disincentive until you realize, BUT THEY CAN. They just haven't realized it yet. And they haven't acted on it, which is even worse.

Lance asked himself, why do so many of us defer chasing their dreams, even in bite sized pieces, and for so long? Why do so many die without ever having shaken off the drudgery of one-foot-in-front-of-the-the-every-day? Why, when a dream we expressed to someone is suddenly enabled for us, why do we cast it aside as if the whole exercise was never more than a fools errand, not suited to people of real merit and responsibility? Even on a platter, dreams are hard to accept.

Many of the people Lance met on his journey, when hearing of his Quixotic quest, immediately cried out, "Oh, I wish I could do that...but of course I can't right now." The reasons were rarely listed. Walking away, Lance knew they never would do such a thing. The time would never be quite right. Moreover, they would never make the time to do it. They would never allow themselves to do for what they had longed. Someone had taught them that dreaming is for kids.

So how did Lance do it? One day he saw that he not only could, but he must. He got urgency. He knew he could not defer this dream any longer because he'd seen people run out of time in this life. He saw that it was only for him, only about him, and only up to him. Permission was his alone to give and no one would ever do it for him. And while he asked other people to please do without him for a while, he asked no one if he should or could live his dream. In the end, we die alone, so in our lives, we must be our own final decider of our fate. He realized few consequences could ever exceed the lasting value of a dream pursued and caught. The calculus was compelling.

How often can one chase their dreams? Perhaps its not a reasonable thing to do every day, but it could be possible. Dreams are not a gift without cost, but they can't be deferred until we can't enjoy them. Lance decided had to get outside of his daily pattern to see who else, not just what else, he could be.

What we are depends on who we are, not the other way around. This is the first time Lance got that in the right order. Most of his life he spent trying to be"something" assuming being "someone" would naturally follow. Now, he wants to live the rest of his life first being the someone he has discovered and see where that takes him.

He can do that because Lance found a different someone inside himself he hadn't known before. This person could be quiet, reflective, philosophical, and observant. He could be a follower, a student, a wallflower and a really good friend. He could be alone and not go mad or be in a crowd and yet focus on just one person. He could wait for the right opportunity instead of jumping at the first opportunity. He could speak without worrying about being judged and not have to answer every challenge presented to him. This is not the person who embarked on the journey on July5, 2010. This is not the person he expected to find.

So, Lance is now in a serious search for how to keep this "daily choice" alive in his life. To always be able to hear the voice within, to keep his eyes on the horizon and to give himself permission to choose his actions everyday. This is the dream so many want. To believe we can't choose, that is the nightmare.

I Hear a Symphony!

It is a symphony. That's what a well planned, well run retreat strives to be. It has an overture that establishes expectations, a main theme that carries the interest, multiple movements of differing tempos and moods interpreting the theme, rising and falling phrases, sharp and subtle accents, even some improvisational elements and always a strong and memorable finish.

Above all, it must be one integral piece, no matter how variegated it's elements. One feels it's power as much as one hears it. And if it is well composed, every player plays a part and is instrumental (forgive that...) to the overall sound. Melody and harmony flow seamlessly into and out of each other. The fullness of the combined sound is ultimately determined by the performance of the many, not the solos of a few. That is the perfect workshop.

Lance is fully in workshop mode for September with 16 out of 23 days on sites for leadership programs across Maryland for five, 2 and 1/2 day workshops and opening retreats. His travels will take him from Garrett County (Western Maryland) to Solomons (Southern Maryland) to Salisbury Maryland (Eastern Shore.) It's his big chance to see how much leadership teaching work he can stand if someday this were all he had to do.

But back to the symphony. There are certain truths Lance has discovered the hard way after doing retreats for 40 years. In no particular order, they include the following:

Roughly equivalent to the tuning ritual as the orchestra takes the stage, the facilitator should smoothly cruise around the room and greet as many participants as time allows before the program begins. Each encounter should include direct eye contact, a warm but brief handshake and one or two quick questions establishing common interest, mutual friends or shared experience. "Who told you about this program?" "I see you're from Salisbury, do you know Fred Smeltz?" "How was your drive down?" The content doesn't really matter, but reaching out to each person is everything, both physically and emotionally. Touch matters. It warms up the room and gets everyone in tune.

Then, every program should open with the refreshing clarity of publicly stated goals. Four or five goals are enough, but they should be written on big paper for all the world to see. At the end of the program, (just before Evaluations) the facilitator should return to the goals sheet and review each of them, pointing to the big sheets of paper posted around the room which summarized each activity. Literally check off each goal for everyone to see. Accountability is a good thing and keeps attention focused and respect high. You clearly did not waste their time.

After stating the goals, move quickly to action, not words. Go straight to an opening activity without any lectures. The surprise element alone establishes a "Wow, this is different!" attitude and sets a positive, exciting tone for the day. After years of canned corporate training programs, most adults come expecting to be lectured to, to be uninvolved and praying they can avoid direct involvement, wherever possible. Take that expectation away immediately by getting everyone up on their feet, interacting in a meaningful (not trivial) way within the first ten minutes, and the group will follow the leader anywhere. It is crucial how smoothly the facilitator invites participation, rewards transparency and personally demonstrates risk taking before asking anyone else to risk. It sets a tone of trust and joint exploration for the entire experience.

Humor is the most effective opening to establish communication, bonding and trust between strangers. The group that learns and laughs together will move quickly (allegro) compared to one that slogs through lecture after droning lecture at a dreary (largo) pace. To be clear, this humor does not come from irrelevant jokes, but from the real life responses and reactions of people in the room to real life questions and problems in real time. It must never be malicious, never targeted to hurt or embarrass. Rather, humor should be intended to laugh with, not at, the natural foibles and follies of people engaged in a search for creative ideas and real solutions. Stay in the real world for all examples, stories and scenarios. Everything we need to know is always in the room, we just have to let it out. Real life is not somewhere else, its right here, right now. Trust in that fact.

Humor builds trust quickly when blended with good natured conversation, surprising and true revelations and gentle, but honest feedback. Once it is clear that spontaneity can be safely spoken here, even the quiet ones are drawn into the group energy confident they can venture out from behind practiced defenses. To establish this level of trust, frequently state every one's standing option to OPT OUT of any inquiry or activity they may find threatening at anytime. No questions asked. No one should ever be never pressured to play. They must freely choose it.

As the program moves through the day, people should be shifted from dyads (2) to small groups (4-8) to large groups. They should have moments of quiet reflection alone. They should move around the room, always animated in new ways, encouraged to connect with each other, inspired to think differently, while engaged in increasingly complex and significant tasks which echoing the main theme.

At any given moment, the facilitator must be ready and able to relate the current "movement" to the original "thematic melody." Loss of control happens when there is a loss of focus. And once focus is lost, trust melts and anarchy reigns. At it's essence, the group trusts the facilitator to create a safe space for them to try out their new ideas and activities. If they lose that safety, they lose that trust and the game over. It is never a pretty sight.

Like a conductor, it is the job of the facilitator to keep time, control tempos, moderate volumes and intensity, deliver the orchestra to the right downbeats and the right cutoffs, as needed. Like jazz, the notes will vary since the participants are hearing the questions for the first time. But the facilitator must never fear the unknown or unexpected response. It is the magic of the experience and will ring true every time because it cannot be practiced nor anticipated. Regardless, it is the job of the facilitator to insure that everything which happens, is played out within the structure of the announced theme, times, place and goals, as promised. Anything else is a violation of the players contract.

Admittedly, it is virtually impossible to design and follow a scripted retreat. While 100% of the program should be planned, rarely does even 25% actually go according to plan. The ability of the facilitator to have a Plan B (or even Plan C) in hand, is everything. Something WILL go wrong. Wherever possible, the program design must avoid seeking the "right answers" and focus on seeking the "true answers." The minute a group senses they are fruitlessly chasing the "right answers" only the facilitator knows, many folks will turn off. Guessing games are not effective teaching tools for grownups.

Moreover, it is better to have participants answering to each other, than always talking to the front of the room. Rest assured, at the end of the workshop, members will always praise the group for their exemplary creativity and remarkable chemistry, never realizing how much the process, not the fates, got them there.

In the end, the success of the retreat will depend on creating smooth flow, a balance of harmony and discord, space for individuals to interpret what they want to hear, and the kind of close that brings people to their feet in appreciation and expectation of a return performance.

Turn Around And Tomorrow Is Yesterday.

Lance just returned from Garrett County in Western Maryland this past weekend where the trees were starting to tun to gold, red and yellow. Fall announced her arrival in the Deep Creek region of the Mountain Maryland weeks before she dared show her face in the metropolitan areas of Montgomery County and Baltimore.

Coming off a summer of record heat, damaging storms and merciless humidity, this seasonal change is welcome and even a little surprising. Lance had forgotten what crisp mornings and breezy afternoons felt like even after all his 60 years of experience. Ever grateful to live in a region that has four full seasons of change, he has vowed to stop and notice the magical transformation this year rather than let it sneak by again.

Lance is all about noticing change and transition these days. The changes in the seasons of his life are top of mind for the first time. Maybe, when one's lifeline grows shorter, every moment is dearer. Looking back, he has often remarked how fast time flies while raising children or working. Turn around and tomorrow is yesterday. Big decisions, major projects, grand ideas of the past seem almost inconsequential compared to the next choice, the next hour, or the next idea. Lance has come to believe Life is best measured in the now.

(WARNING: Everything IS smaller in the rear view mirror of life. And what lies ahead, looms larger than life.)

When Lance returns to work in October, many will ask "How was your trip?" the premise being he went to the Grand Canyon or Paris to see the sights. Pictures of this trip are less than impressive. His mind was not on the sights, but on the insights.

Some will expect him to return with the Holy Grail for Strathmore, a new bold vision of the future delivered unto him while meditating on a remote mountain top. Lance is quite certain that would be a mistake. The future must be forged like a sword by those who will wield it.

Others expect him to seamlessly pick up where he left off and are just glad everything can get back to normal now. But backwards is not an option for anyone. And for some, his absence and therefore his return are irrelevant because they hardly noticed he was gone. (Of course, if anyone really wanted to know what he is "bringing back" they need only visit his blogs. Rarely has transparency been so accessible to so many!)

However, for those who just want to cut to the chase, here is the executive summary of his journey:

Lance left in search of himself, who he was beyond his work identity. He found someone of consequence and integrity. Lance went in search of his family, not as he remembered them but in their current stages of life. He found them happy, healthy, loving and engaged in their own quests of discovery. Lance went in search of his own 60+ 3.0 future, in hopes of discovering what was important for him to treasure and what could be tossed. He found many of those touchstones and no longer fears that future.

He will not live an unexamined life. After talking to so many who have gone before him, he will not be surprised by his fate or the fear of growing older. He will not die with significant regrets, guilt or unreconciled dreams. He has lifted his eyes from the ground (the trivial) to the horizon (the grand). He knows far better now who he is and why he is still here on earth.

Moreover, he has learned that this is the time of life to be more creative, occasionally irreverent and always generous of spirit. Enabling others is his new mission and creating sustainable enterprise is his new focus. He has learned you can't chase friendships or love, they find you when you are being the best person can be. People will like you for how they feel when they are around you, and you'll like them for the same reason.

He has found peace of mind.

So how do you convey all that to those who ask," How was your summer?" Maybe you can't. Maybe you just say, "Fine. How about you?" And let the conversation begin, or end, there.

Dancing on Boulders.

Lance is on the road again, but this time doing leadership workshops. Suddenly, he knows exactly where he is going and what he is doing. After two months of being the happy wanderer, it feels great to have a defined purpose, practical value to others, and real expertise again. Lance is in solidly his element at these leadership retreats, striding confidently into the fray with the crystal clear sense of direction, a renewed purpose and measurable productivity which was so absent on his journey. He is also relieved to find his passion is still alive.

Before, he was wading gently into the stream of life, feeling the unseen rocks beneath the surface. Now he is dancing and leaping from boulder to boulder with a human tide boiling around him. He knows the currents, senses the changing temperatures, invites dangerous thinking and navigates by intellect and experience. While each event is unique and the responses of the participants are always blessedly unpredictable, Lance rides each wave with a sure and steady view of the shore he must reach as well as the distant horizon. He is "home" in a very real sense.

Lance is totally without fear in this world and can feel his energy multiply as the interactions of the group expand. This is something he was put on earth to do. And he thinks he has gotten better, not worse, since his previous workshops. Just tonight, he did a small Board Training event for a friend and was told they found his words honest, targeted and insightful. At recent workshop he was complimented for his humor, truthfulness and relevance.

This is what Lance has come to value most about his teaching style. He can make it fun, but the content stays real and practical. He doesn't waste people's time with pretty words or faux complexity that will be forgotten before they even get out the door. The only criteria that matters to Lance is the participant's ability to use the content in their real world...to lead someone somewhere, soon.

So, in the new world of Lance The Facilitator, handouts are down to a bare minimum, usually in outline form. New content is followed immediately by individual and group practice. Lectures are never longer than 15-20 minutes. At least 80% of the time, participants are talking, not Lance. He listens longer, checks for clarity, laughs easily, follows up on ideas, rewards risk and reaches out farther to engage the quiet ones.

This is what he has always wanted to be able to do. Fly low and follow the contours of their landscape, not preach "head in the clouds" stuff. It makes every session more exciting and surprising. Lance uses no script, no elaborate directions, no fancy visuals nor "workshop speak." And in the end, something has changed in everyone...teacher and student.

One of the thesis questions Lance posed for his sabbatical was just how much his workshops can and should be a part of his future life. That test has begun in earnest.

Home Is Where The Action Is

For Lance, one of the unexpected joys of being home during the day this month (a joy he has never known in his 30 years as a career consumed person) has been the ability to witness and actively participate in the real-time life of his four children. (Forgive this, all ye mothers and stay at home Dads who find this realization underwhelming...this is new territory to Lance.)

Lance has found when they get home from school or work, while they are still stewing in the drama of their day, they are prone to allow him into a window of private thoughts which closes later in the day. By 7 p.m., the time he used to get home, most of the drama is over, video games have stolen their attention and "How was your day, dear?" elicits little more than a grunt.

Lance vividly remembered every evening when his wife would to regale him with blow by blow narratives of the kids' first steps, their worst poops, their garbled words, or latest playground altercation with that unstated but evident implication that he couldn't possibly grasp the wonder of the moment since he wasn't there. Honestly, she was right. He didn't get it. It might have been cute at the time, but it rarely sounded compelling in the re-run. Now, it turns out, you really DID have to be there.

This month, Lance has been there. He was the one still at home when they woke up, wandered into the kitchen, headed out the door, headed back in the door, or hung out with them. His wife, now the full-time working partner, is more of the outsider. Lance sees his old self more clearly through her busy weekday schedule of meetings, classes, errands, weekend field trips, exercise classes, homework grading and volunteer board meetings. Even her newly acquired addiction to constantly monitoring her online courses on her home computer has raised the stress level of her life far above Lance's. "But it's my job!" has now become her battle cry, a familiar, if ironic, refrain.

Lance's 30 year history of his own driven weekday, weekend and evenings activities routinely kept him out of the day-t0-day life of his children. Nevertheless, he still used to rail at his wife's frequent observation that he was basically uninformed and out of touch with his family just because he wasn't there. As they say, showing up is 90% of the relationship with kids and if you aren't there, you can't get it. Lance never got it. Not really.

Always the dutiful male weekend warrior responsible for the dry cleaning, grocery shopping, anything with cars, bank deposits, house fixes, and weekend cooking (grilling), Lance pointed to his one or two days of domestic duty each week as if that balanced the scales of justice against her six to seven days a week.

Now Lance is the one who takes them to camp, to the dentist, shopping for school clothes, to get their car fixed, back to college, to the M.V.A., to get their hair cut, etc. Now Lance understands what his wife was talking about. Now he'll return to work in October minus the cavalier attitude of "don't worry, someone else will take care of it." Lance knows he'll miss these errands of mercy and opportunities to be of service at the moment of their need. He has added a whole world of special memories to his sabbatical yearbook that he hadn't expected. Maine was great family time, but home is where real family lives.

Much to his surprise, Lance now saw his children and wife for who they have become and less for who he remembered them to be ten years ago. And he loved what he saw. Where Lance Past was all about seeing behavior, judging behavior, scolding behavior, Lance Present is all about experiencing their energy, watching their action, listening to their heart. Amazingly his new silence and reticence to prescribe solutions has yielded much better results. They even stop in mid sentence, look at Lance and say, "I know you're gonna ask me what I'm gonna do about, what my choices are, what I could do better..."

Lance just smiles back.

And damned if they don't proceed to self-assess and re-direct themselves to their own solution, usually every bit as good as anything Lance could have contributed. It all began with Lance just being there. Listening patiently to their full train of thought. Remaining silent, even when they expected his advice. Giving them the "space" to work it out on their own.

And in the end, they determined their own their course of action. (Obviously, older children respond far better than younger ones to this, but better late than never!) Children just want to be heard, taken seriously, think things through for themselves, choose their own future course of action and own their results. Who knew?

Case in Point: Lance's oldest son and significant other who have been living in the basement of Lance's house for a year came bursting in the door at 4:00 on a recent weekday afternoon with the wonderful news that they had finally found an affordable nice townhouse. With unbridled enthusiasm, their words tumbled out, one tripping over the other, describing every detail of the property, their friendly agent, the pleasant neighborhood and the brief commute to work.

Now, sitting at the dining room table, Lance was proud witness to this milestone of life happening before his very eyes. He instantly knew this moment would make a memory forever. He also knew that by the time his wife got home that night, like a souffle that falls 90 seconds after coming out of the oven, the delicious taste may linger, but the out sized majesty of the moment would be gone forever. What an honor to be there, Lance sighed.

What was that scene worth? Lance couldn't help himself as he murmured, "Priceless, of course."

This concept of "being there" and "showing up" in life is hard to explain to youngsters entering the workforce. Just today, Lance read that 86% of young hires who leave within 6 months of being hired, do so because of a deficiency in attitude, not skills. Something about their demeanor, work ethic, values or chemistry with the staff just didn't fit and that alone, is enough for the employer to pull the plug. Lance had fired staff for such issues, although he often waited far too long in the vain hope that they would fix themselves. Rarely did they.

Sadly, Lance suspected most of those laid off workers never really understood what they had done wrong since they probably never knew anything other than the permissive culture of today's high school, college and even home life. Lance had his own mantra for the new employees. "Arrive earlier and stay later than your boss" was one of the first truths Lance told interns at his work. "Never be bored, find something meaningful to contribute and do it without being asked" was another. "Just because you don't HAVE to be there, doesn't mean you shouldn't show" up was one of the hardest to convey. You can't get it, if you don't get it (as the Washington Post ad goes...)

Which led Lance to back to an interesting conundrum in is own life. For three months, he has been away from his place of work. Regardless of why he was gone, where he had gone or what he was doing, fact was he hasn't been at work. So there will always be a 3 month gap in his work history and his professional relationships. No amount of briefing can replace not being there.

Lance can't do anything about it. After all, he made a calculated trade-off to go in search of self-awareness in another arena. But the likelihood his colleagues have emotionally moved on, built new bonds of trust and interconnectedness that don't run through him anymore, and have new stories and knowing looks between them he can never know. All of this is not just possible, it is inevitable. And the other possibility, that relatively few people even realized he was gone, could have equally humbling consequences.

Obviously, the journey isn't over. Tomorrow, workshops begin.

Labor Day's Takeaway Blessings

It is Labor Day, when most of the town is enjoying the final minutes of summer and the silence of their neighborhood. Tomorrow the cars, the noise and the news resume their cacophony and become the stressful soundtrack of our lives. Starting Friday, he goes into workshop mode spending 16 of the next 23 days as a trainer and facilitator in search of answers to his third big question how much workshopping he might want to do whenever he retires.

But today, unless you're buried in beach traffic, there is a silence worthy of a cathedral, so Lance spent it harvesting more of the "takeaway blessings" of the last two months of his journey.

Here is what he has gleaned so far:

He rediscovered the Reverie of Life that he remembered from his earlier life.

He became comfortable with his 60 year old body and knows better what it can and cannot do.

He looked at his workplace as an outsider and can better appreciate its role in the community.

He learned who he missed and who missed him. It was surprising.

He knows his true friends are those with whom he can search for truth and meaning, not gossip.

He lived for two months while not being the center of anything and did just fine.

He found out who he is when he doesn't have to be someone else. He exists outside of his roles.

He started and finished full thoughts, expected surprises, and took interesting highway exits.

He had surprisingly few regrets about the decisions he made when was completely on his own.

He learned to unclench his jaw, his chest and his brain. He found stress and worry useless.

He renewed all of his individual and collective family relationships, now based in the present.

He fully "owns" himself again and knows where and how he has strayed in the past.

He launched and embraced the 3.0 chapter of life, neither fearing nor avoiding its challenges.

He became comfortable as a student of himself. He'll be a better mentor to others for it.

He has much to be grateful for in the past, much to celebrate in the present and much to look forward to in the future.

He focused on the wonder of moments today instead of just the dreams of tomorrow.

He liked walking across the "stream of life" on the stones hidden just beneath the surface.

He envies no one, anymore.

He is convinced this sabbatical came at the right time of his life, for the right amount of time, anchored by the right critical questions.

And while Lance is is acutely aware that any one of these "takeaways" could fill an entire blog unto itself, on Labor Day who wants to work that hard? Happy Un-labor Day !

Where There" A Launch, There's A Landing...

Lance was home again, but still in relative seclusion gearing up for 16 out of 23 days of leadership workshops in September. However,in his few forays out into the town, Lance had been discovered. Suddenly, he is acutely aware that while he planned well for the journey, he totally forgot to plan for a gradual reentry into the role of responsible adult. Over the past few days, Lance unexpectedly encountered old friends almost everywhere he went, a phenomena completely absent over the past 60 days. It forced him back to the surface from the silent depths of his two month submersion in the cool, dark anonymity of his pilgrimage to nowhere. Like a diver rising too fast from the deep, he has felt something akin to "psychic bends"...too much, too soon. He's simply not ready.

Lance originally thought the "leaving behind" of family, friends and daily routine would be the difficult part of his sabbatical but the disconnecting and the unencumbering of daily expectations wasn't hard at all. His careful design of Lance Stiehl's persona, the 3 month format, the business cards, the Gmail account, the BLOG format and the Trinity of Questions were inspired. But he never spent a minute thinking about, planning for or envisioning the Return Scenario. And to his dismay, it has been more wrenching than he expected. Who knew?

Now that he is back home, Lance has discovered by day, there is nowhere to go and be productive. "Home Alone" (hold face and scream...) while working on new materials for his five leadership workshops has been excruciating. Turns out Lance is a social junkie who revels in talking though his new ideas with others, hearing what spurts out, sweeping up the best ideas off the floor, then weaving them into actionable tapestries. Instead, sitting in solitary confinement at his dinner-table-cum-home-office is like drilling for water in a parched desert. Inevitably, checking his Email, Facebook, Hulu, searching ANYTHING on the other side of the magic window of the Internet, is a more seductive alternative for the lonely man than doing what he is supposed to be doing. Hell, he'd rather BLOG than stare at a inert cursor, sitting lonely and blinking on a vast sea of glowing but empty glass. Lance is in a perpetual state of having to stay after school, alone.

It seems coming home is more complex than it sounds. Coming home means renegotiation of roles, reassessment of relationships and renewal of passions, at work and at home. In the midst of the flow of his former life, Lance took all those things in his life for granted. He knew the rules and roles by heart, as did everyone around him. They were so common they became invisible.

David Brooks in the NY Times has noted that "Culture dictates the proven and acceptable methods by which members of a group address recurrent problems. And culture defines the priority given to different types of problems. Culture exists when people don't even think about whether their way of doing things yields success."

Lance came from a workplace with a strong, well established culture he helped build. And just when it was working quite well, he unilaterally stepped outside the door to look around at other cultures in other places. Now, as he prepared to re-enter his old world, Lance wondered what rules had changed, what priorities had shifted and what new alliances may have redefined the landscape? Lance worried that he might now be obsolete? In a very real sense, Lance believed one can never go home again and that sense of loss was suddenly palpable.

But he didn't have to go backwards to reengage. Lance could choose to help build the next culture for the next decade of challenges. If his key still opened the door at work, he could choose to address the future every day in the new ways. More Brooks:

"(Instead, we must ask) what are my circumstances asking me to do? What is needed in this place at this time? What is the most useful role for me? The individual is small and the context is large. Life comes to a point not when the individual project is complete, but when the self dissolves into a larger purpose or cause."

Lance had felt that magnificent melding of "individuals into a larger cause" often at his work. In fact, he cherished those magical moments when the group functioned so smoothly that individual achievement was indistinguishable from common victory. Perhaps a successful homecoming isn't about about being someone new and improved, Lance realized, but about becoming who he needed to become in this new place and time, in order to be to useful to the mission. "So it's really NOT all about me", he laughed." Get over yourself, already!"

With that, the pressure dropped away like a veil. He knew he had new gifts to share. He had new insights to guide him and faith in his greater instincts. He had friends he had missed and who had missed him. He had discovered his unique set of talents. And now he had found wellsprings of energy and beauty he could tap into whenever life got too arrid or toxic. Not bad. Not bad at all.

Better Than Christmas

Now that Lance is back in town, albeit still on sabbatical, he feels the pressure mounting to craft the best answer possible to the inevitable question of friends and colleagues, "So, how was your summer?" Several answers came to mind but none were satisfyingly informative, true and digestible.

The Glib: "Great! Um, really terrific."
The Prophet: "I think found myself out there on the road.
The Seer: "I have seen the future and I'm still in it."
The Vindicated: "Right time, right questions, unexpected answers."

Lance knew the easiest answer was, Read My Blog. But that required far more curiosity than most people had. They just wanted to grab a headline and go. As it turned out, many people didn't even know he was gone or had assumed he was on an extended vacation somewhere. That shouldn't have been surprising. It would be a real challenge for Lance to name where anyone outside of his family went this summer. And frankly, as long as they come back, who cared?

But this adventure had a serious purpose and sooner or later, even if no one else asked, Lance wanted to be able to sum it all up in a set of truths capable of guiding him through his remaining years. That was, after all, central to the design of the plan...to lay down a life track for the next 15-20 years. His Trinity Sabbatical tested the alternatives of Lance Alone, Lance with Family, Lance on Leadership. It asked Who is Lance outside of his job? What relationship does he have with his ever evolving family? How fulfilling are his Leadership Workshops? Those were the questions. And those questions deserved answers.

The first month on the road, when Lance was asking those three questions of total strangers and deciding each day which way to point the car, was surprising on so many levels. One of his biggest fears was that he would be bored. Nope, not for one minute. His mind was racing from dawn to sleep. As soon as he realized he wasn't sightseeing and wherever he was, couldn't disappoint if he had no prior expectations of what he would find, then the journey became endlessly interesting. Without work, without familiar context, without agenda, Lance was perfectly satisfied to become absorbed in whatever came his way. He was not the person he knew at home, but then again "We're not in Kansas anymore" are we, Toto?

As he looked back on it, every time there was a challenge, there was a gift. (Yeah, yeah. That's why they call it the "present.")

To wit:

1) Lance had long ago tailored his life to being only where he was needed and useful. If he was running the meeting, emceeing the banquet or leading the workshop, he was there. If not, he just wasn't interested in being in the audience or watching from the crowd. The higher he rose in status, the easier that became. But on the road, he was all audience, all the time. Always invisible, anonymous and forgettable, every encounter was his and his alone to initiate. And it took work, more work than he had expected. But the lesson was a visceral, tangible, humble reminder of the plight of the outsider and the uninvited guest at the table.

So, the gift for Mr. Always The Talker, was learning to listen with more patience and thereby tasting the sweet rewards of deeper conversations. His takeaway was the very practical promise to himself to seek out the stranger and engage the quiet ones. Turns out that is where the true gold lies.

2) To his great surprise, Lance reaffirmed his absolute belief in serendipity and the unforeseen little miracles of life. He fell in love with the concept of The Summoned Life vs. The Well Planned Life (thanks Myra!) which perfectly described his very real experience in a world where destinations, agendas, responsibilities and appointments were meaningless. He expected chaos and crisis, mistakes and misery without his usual planning tools and structured days. Instead, Lance found wonder, beauty, quiet heroes and competent self-sufficiency. His mind awoke, his perceptions sharpened, his energy expanded and his hope for America grew beyond measure. Lance discovered a vast and complex society filled with creative, selfless, energetic, sincere citizens and for every dark corner, there were even more bright lights illuminating the village greens of every community. Everywhere, someone was asking, how can we make this better?

So, the gift for Mr. Control Everything, was his new willingness to trust in the unpredictable events of life and pay attention when they appeared. The number of wondrous outcomes from those adventures was its own testimony.

3) Lance had set off secretly hoping he would come back a changed, improved, enlightened and more desirable being. But with every day, every mile and every decision at every crossroad, he found only himself on the other side of the moment. Surprisingly, Lance liked who he found, trusted his judgement, laughed at his own insecurities and awoke ever anxious to jump off the next diving board into this endless pool of teeming humanity. His real adventure became one of watching himself, being himself, not watching the landscape. Driven by an inexhaustible curiosity of how he would meet the next day, there was no lapse of attention, no flagging energy and no regrets over events.

It wasn't that he was self-absorbed, he was totally self-aware. For the first time in his life, there was no one there to shake him out of it "for the good of" the family, the job or the community. The Third-Eye Experience is reported by spiritualists who can watch themselves from another place even while occupying their own body. In any moment, Lance was both within and without of his body, evaluating himself as both subject and object, even within the same thought. It introduced him to himself as he had never met himself. It provided him to a calm and satisfied sense of who he was, is, and will be without rejecting or regretting who he had been.

So, the gift for Mr. I'm Never Good Enough, was that he finally found real peace with the person he had become over his first 60 years. Satisfied with the present, Lance was now absolutely confident that even greater wisdom would come to him no matter what choices he made in the future and he would be prepared to grasp it when it came. He realized he could trust his instincts. They were better than he previously believed.

4) During the months leading up to the launch, Lance had encountered numerous friends who suggested he go there, do this or see that. People thought the trip's destinations were the point. Lance didn't know why, but he reflexively rejected that notion from the beginning and and he was right. No place really mattered, even when it was remarkable. There were just as many lessons to be learned in the midst of a small town, featuring only a humble player-piano museum, as there was in the frantic street scene of Belle Cher, a massive citywide arts festival in Asheville, NC. Lance could be somewhere or no where, but the value of the moment resided in wherever he placed his attention, not in his surroundings. Now Lance saw that reality is a constant choice between focusing on the internal or the external environment. He always had the ability to add value, whenever he choose, just by redirecting his attention. And if he was not always seeking to add value to life, why are we alive?

So, the gift for Mr. I Don't Control My Life, was he could choose to focus on all those pesky internal problems dumped on him or on possibilities just over the horizon where few can see. He could choose to spend his discretionary time among people who enhance life, cherish beauty, initiate growth and bring people together, instead of with naysayers and nabobs. He could choose to slow down and listen, speed up and get things done, or reach out when possibilities arise to open doors, especially those no one else is interested in. He had choices.

5) From the moment he walked out the door in July, a small voice inside Lance was saying, "Whatever you have done, is done. You can't come back now until you know why you are coming back or you might as well keep driving." It is true that coming back because you have to and choosing to come back because there is more to be done are two entirely different things. Lance wanted to come back choosing to return for a purpose. But he couldn't put his finger on what specific value he could offer until, one day, he was browsing through a capital campaign brochure someone in the office found from fifteen year ago entitled, "The Next Step In Excellence."

The brochure envisioned, in plain and simple language, a future arts campus with many buildings, not yet built, and foretold of comprehensive programs, not yet launched. The closing argument on the final page spoke eloquently to the heart of public, private and community interests of Montgomery County, just as clearly and compellingly today as it did then. And Lance suddenly realized, that's what leaders uniquely do. They make the case, state the narrative, articulate the meaning of the dream in a language many can understand. Then, Leaders motivate the many to choose to come together and act in concert.

Lance saw this as entirely distinct from management skills and the mentality of operations and execution. Budgets and boards, staff meetings and schedules, publications and programs: these are only tactical extensions of THE WHY WE DO WHAT WE DO. Someone must craft the message of mission and meaning and then continually reinforce it to employees, patrons and audiences every day. Someone must hold up those who "get it" and celebrate the successes of their employees and patrons in pursuit of that vision. We call these people leaders for what they see, not where they sit.

So, the gift for Mr. All I Ever Do Is Cut The Budget and Go To Meetings, was to pay more attention to the crafting, expression and vitality of the MEANING of the work than the daily execution. Find the new places, faces and stories word to tell the story we are living. And every day, get up and go wherever new friends can be made.

Lance knew there were many more gifts waiting to be unwrapped. But at least he had finally. It was better than Christmas.

The I-Method?

While relatively accustomed and accomplished at public speaking in his daily work, during his life on the road Lance's primary source of learning was asking questions of strangers. It was harder than he expected but yielded the highest quality experiences of his trip. Once engaged, Lance sensed when to drill down and when to back off in his daily conversation with strangers. It was at once, thrilling, dangerous and rewarding. It was also the only strategy available since preaching and selling were likely to get him ridden out of town on a rail. (OK, that's anachronistic...how about Un-friended on Facebook?)

Excellent dancing requires reading the subtle directional cues and weight shifts of one's partner as well as feeling the dynamic flow of the music. Likewise, Lance found that if the variable of time was open-ended and external distractions were minimized, the potential depth of conversations became vast. Life dreams, tragedies, hopes, victories, doubts, even surprising secrets played out in almost every successful conversation he initiated. He could distinctly feel when his questions were opening doors that had been long closed. Lance instinctively knew when to back out, offer his own answers to build transparency and trust, and how to disengage with respect showing gratitude for sharing. Ironically, truths told to A Stranger on the Greyhound Bus could be surprisingly profound because the likelihood of future encounters are slim.

Which got Lance thinking, what if that Inquisitive Method (I-Method) can come back with him to his home and workplace cultures? He asked himself "What can well formed, strategically targeted, equisitely timed questions accomplish better than one's natural tendency to spout declarative statements and opinions?

A lot. But questions come in many flavors.

TELL ME. The traditional function of questions is to illicit new information, primarily for the benefit of the asker. What time is dinner? When will the report be ready? What is this meeting about? How did you spend your budget? These are all legitimate inquiries intended to inform the asker and enable them to make their own decisions. If the answers are within a prescribed boundary of reason, such communication is useful, nonthreatening and mutually satisfying.

GOTCHA. In the public forum, another form of questions often targeted at public officials, barely masks the opinion of the inquisitor. This is an attempt to create controversy or to wedge another voice onto the table of public opinion. Lance has seen countless examples during his past legislative and governmental adventures where fully loaded statements were topped off with a question mark. No one was fooled and the message remembered as the "zing" intended by the asker, not the response given by the askee.

Such statements in the form of questions are clearly visible in some meetings when the risks of voicing clear and unambiguous disapproval is too great. The "coup de grace" can be delivered in the form of a question usually dripping with cynicism. Again, the answer is irrelevant since the value proposition of the asker is now obvious, but it leaves the convenient backdoor if things go array of "Hey, I was just asking."

WHAT IF. A third form of questions are those less intended to inform the asker, but more to lead the other person toward their own new realizations and conclusions. This is the "Inquisitive Method" Lance wanted to perfect, both in the work and family setting. He has long known that in a leadership workshop, where the growth of the individual is paramount over the accomplishment of a task, such questions are the key to effective adult learning. It is the role of the facilitator (One Who Makes Learning Easy) to provide structure and process to group interactions so everyone can do their best thinking and the group can make high quality decisions in a collaborative manner.

Framing these questions is an art. The right questions elicit growth in others because, by their very nature, they assume the person is already capable of self-examination and retains full control and responsibility over their future actions. No power is transferred, regardless of the answer. No implication exists that there is one right answer and only asker knows it. No consequence awaits beyond the other person's empowerment. NOTE: To do this, the facilitator must remain content neutral, dedicated to going wherever the answer leads, and dispassionate about the quality of the response regardless of their own values.

Admittedly, such self-enforced neutrality makes the I-Method somewhat problematic for the Parent or the Boss, both of whom harbor views well-known to their constituents. But as he was now approaching the Faculty Phase of Life, Lance saw his primary leadership role may well be to insure the long-term sustainability of the enterprise by nurturing future leadership. This "long view" is not clearly visible to most rising employees still seeking to establish their credentials. Likewise, Lance saw most of his younger employees were just beginning to appreciate the need for retirement accounts, 401k's and lifetime health insurance. Ah, to be young again, Lance thought, when Invincibility is presumed. Only now he could see that once you hit the point in life where you are "no longer auditioning", one's view changes substantially.

Back at work, with the completion of five years of successful operations in the new facility, the training wheels were coming off. Even before he left on sabbatical, Lance had seen his increasingly competent staff now required enablement, not control. Their ability to define problems, assess resources, collaborate with others, make decisions and execute them are the curriculum of life. The same is true for young adults entering the world of work. Lance knew that questions prick the creative mind and linger much longer than sermons. In his many roles as Father, Boss and Workshop leader he had his own clear values and opinions, as any aware and involved citizen must. But when the focus is on the growth of others, he knew no amount of telling or selling motivates internal growth and change like a well-placed, well-timed question.

Lance generated a list of I-Questions on one of his longer drives across Ohio. (The endless corn fields offered little distraction...)

How's that (behavior) workin' for you?
Why does this matter to you?
What do you think you should do about it?
What else could you do?
How will you know if you succeed?
What role can you best play in this?
What help might you need?
What have you learned here?
What could you do differently next time?

Lance noted that all the questions focused on what YOU can do, not what I can do or OTHERS can do. Clearly, every time the subject changed to someone else, the opportunity to defer, delegate, or deny responsibility increased. The monkey (problems) could never jump to someone else's back if the action alternatives resided squarely on the shoulders of the person being asked the questions. If one does this enough, presumably colleagues will begin to anticipate these questions and proactively think in terms of their answers without even being asked. Good questions must be formulated without expectation of providing "the right answers." Lance could see obvious benefits: it would reward taking responsibility for oneself, assuming accountability for one's outcomes, enhance creativity in problem solving and reinforce the inevitable need for collaboration to make progress as an institution.

It could also piss people off, Lance admitted. But after that, they're still left with the integrity and effectiveness of their answers...or non-answers. Once the question is launched, if it is the right one, it can't be ignored. Looking for the best questions, loaded with honesty and polished with respect, seemed to be a quest Lance could undertake.

He invites all suggestions. What are some of the best questions anyone ever asked you that shaped your choices?

Angels Among Us

Lance has regretfully been on a sabbatical from his blog since returning home at the end of July. You may remember he drove straight through from Memphis to Silver Spring after losing his front bumper, grill and engine pan to a errant piece of truck tread. He arrived home to dismal tales of the heat, humidity and power outages that plagued his brave children throughout July. Within days, he packed up his youngest son and drove off to Maryland Leadership Workshops at Washington College in Chestertown, MD on the Eastern Shore where he spent two days reliving his own workshop experience 40 years earlier at that very same college campus.

The following week, the entire family headed for the blessed cool and green of Bar Harbor, Maine for their annual pilgrimage and then a week at even cooler, greener Moosehead Lake, in the North Woods. (There is a "Maine 2010 Slide Show" and a "MLW Slide Show" complete with music, always available on his MacBook Pro for the truly curious. Come to think of it, if a picture is truly worth a thousand words, Lance "video-blogged" his ever-lovin' heart out in August!)

Still, why Lance didn't feel the need to write during this month long "Lance With Family" chapter of his sabbatical is a mystery. It would be easy to say he filled up his blogging time with the inevitable responsibilities of providing food, housing and entertainment for 8 people. It's hard to meaningfully reflect on cosmic issues when you're playing tour guide and hotelier. But one makes time for what is important, even in Maine.

Or, it might simply be because he had taken a public oath NOT to be on the computer in Maine, in the fervent hope that his video game addicted children would take the same pledge of computer abstinence (which they did!)

But, on a deeper level, he ultimately surmised that living a full month being fully present with his family was a wiser use of this precious time than sitting in a corner, pounding away on a keyboard, mumbling things like "Dear Diary..."

So, here he is now, on the last day of August 2010. It is also the first day of REAL LIFE, as most people know it. School started today. Summer ended and traffic jams reflected the return of the workforce to their daily commute patterns. Surprisingly, Lance found himself up and out by 7:00 AM rushing to deliver his son to high school when the school bus failed to show up.

Quickly, Lance decided such crack o' dawn heroics deserved a trip to Panera, his old workaday morning haunt, as a reward for such fast response to a crisis. Besides, it represented a gentle nudge back into the usual morning routine of his past 15 years at a different Panera in search of pre-work solitude. This time, he didn't have to be at work by 9:00 AM so the prospect of a toasted whole wheat bagel, endless Hazelnut coffee, and the morning paper beckoned suggestively.

It's worthwhile pausing here to remind the gentle reader that, if nothing else, Lance's trip had taught him the value and magic of the unintended encounter, the serendipitous event, the karma net that is always fishing for the rare and wonderful better-than-one-could-ever-have-planned-moment. Lance once compared it to walking through water on stones hidden beneath the surface, ever guided sure-footed and confidently toward a new destination on the other side. Lance now trusted in such adventures and accepted them as the norm when living "The Summoned Life" instead of "The Well-Planned Life."

To review, in the Summoned Life, each day is a journey wherein adventure is just around the corner, but always out of sight. Here, there is an open-ended time frame, flexible routes to travel, and progress can't be measured until the morning after. Conversely, In the Well-Planned Life, each day is a strategic trip with a predictable destination, strict timetables, a a route direction designed explicitly to avoid detours, and a slew of defined outcomes to measure forward progress.

Unfortunately, most of us work very hard to make our life well-planned when we should be working harder to leave it open to fates and destinies we can't predict. Among the treasures tp be gleaned are love, luck, wonder, miracles and surprises. The critical difference is, when serendipity knocks, do you give yourself permission to open the door and chat? The hardest part is actually believing...even knowing, it will knock. Today, it knocked.

And so it came to pass, while Lance was standing in line for his bagel and coffee, he bumped into a friend he'd been meaning to call since he had started his sabbatical two months ago. They sat down in a booth and what started as a polite and inconsequential conversation, soon turned into a no holds barred, straight forward, compellingly honest, self-revelatory purge of his journey, it's meaning, roads-not-taken, and mysteries yet to be explored. It went on for two hours. Amazingly, it was fully mutual. For every admission, regret, joy or longing Lance revealed, his friend had a complementary, technicolor, visionary, all-consuming passion equally aligned as if living in a parallel universe. How did that happen? What made it such a right place, time, person thing? One thing was for certain. Lance didn't have to run off this time. That made all the difference. We need time to dwell, reflect, imagine, play, invent, and conceptually dance. We need time to hear our own thoughts, and the thoughts of others and then take them to the next plane of possibility. If there is such a thing as a quantum leap forward in a friendship, this was it. Unplanned. Unforeseen. Unprecedented.

But not unexpected. During the month of July he spent with family, the most dramatic change he noticed Lance was the increased number of significant conversations he had with his family simply because he was no longer distracted or interrupted. Just being there, willing to listen to someone, sends a message that no time conscious, schedule-driven parent or friend can fake. And when that moment is given its full measure, Lance discovered, most people actually want to talk. And when Lance learned to swallow his immediate impulse to respond, to solve or to fix the problems, they talked even more. Irt turns out a good listener, listens.

With strangers on the road, Lance had been surprised with his own struggle to make conversation. One night in a motel room in North Carolina, he carefully listed the steps needed to engage a stranger, dispel fear, build trust, establish mutual interest, seek information, and then gently disengage and exit. In his professional role back at work, he could always fallback on his institutional context with strangers. They were on his turf and he held the cards. Same thing held true in workshop settings where he routinely stood in front of fifty Type A strangers. But Lance always controlled the agenda.

But on the road, he had no portfolio, no standing, no constituency and nothing to build on. Other than mundane topics like the weather, the opening encounter was always delicate. Politics, the economy, even TV shows and movies were iffy propositions with strangers, especially when the culture was small town and a guy wandering around with no obvious purpose couldn't be normal. Caution won.

Lance soon discovered with men, seeking directions or local information was always a safe bet. Guys like to provide answers and solve problems. Women, however, were tricky. After overcoming the initial fear for their own safety (no small thing with a male stranger) they seemed to respond best when protected by a professional role...waitress, hotel clerk, visitors center guide, etc. Starting a conversation with a single woman, out of a workplace context, was terrifying, both for the women and for Lance. Handing his crafty Three Questions card to a waitresses sometimes earned him only suspicious looks and a quick exit. Some even handed it right back like it was a bank robber's note to a teller. Strange. Lance hadn't expected to have such a hard time connecting,

But now, this morning's conversation was simply extraordinary. There was a pre-existing friendship, of course. But now Lance was able to listen more deeply than before his journey. Perhaps, he had more quality thoughts to share, new perspectives on life or a greater capacity to empathize with someone else's journey, in light of his own. Perhaps, for the first time, he finally took enough time to savor the many thoughts, dreams and even life plots they invented. Whatever the reason, he came away more exhilarated, renewed and confident of his relationship to this person than ever before.

There are moments when Life takes us by the shoulders and shakes us alive, again. To still be able to connect so vividly and deeply is a blessing Lance had forgotten. It reminded him that there are angels and they walk among us every day. We just have to stop and make time to listen to them.